


Dreaming of Eternity

by LerDan



Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Alive Laura Hale, Alive Talia Hale, Angst, Based on Derek's memories, Both characters die, Cancer, Derek Has Feelings, Derek Takes Care Of Stiles, Love, M/M, Scott is a Good Friend, Slash, Slow Build Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Stiles and Derek argue on more than one occasion, Suicide, Trigger Warnings, mentioned peter hale, slashy goods, sterek, stiles has cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 14:05:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4669394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LerDan/pseuds/LerDan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story is told from Derek's view. It starts with Derek talking to his therapist. It's about a tragic love story between our two beloved characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreaming of Eternity

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So, few things first. READ THE TAGS PLEASE! Don't read any further until you read the whole tag. Both characters are going to die at the end. So, take this as our warning to back off if you are not into it.
> 
> I've been working on this story since the start of this year. I was going through a rough time and trying to work on this as much as I could. I also had this huge writer's block known to a human being, which didn't help at all. So if some places seem to lack more description or anything like that, are because of I didn't have it in me to write at that moment or simply because I didn't know what else to add to it.
> 
> And finally, constructive criticism is always welcome, when it's delivered with respect. My friend proof read it for me. Any typo's or mishaps can be pointed out to me. Thank you :) Happy reading.

 

“You need to talk about it someday, Derek. It’s been ten years now.”

Derek stared ahead unblinking at the far wall. The office’s walls were covered with bookshelves that had neatly piled up books there. The first time Derek came here, he was curious about what books she had there, and they were, unsurprisingly, all about psychology. Her furniture was in dark color woods, and it had this warm, homely environment to it. Which was nice in a way, Derek supposed.

But…she was right. Of course she was right.

It had been ten years, after all, since that dreaded night. But he never felt that he was even close to actually uttering the words to a stranger. Katherine wasn’t a stranger, since she was his therapist for over five years now. If he were perfectly honest, he absolutely did not want to be here. His family insisted, however, and he caved agreed. Especially Laura, since it was her who had found him on the bathroom floor few years ago, with pills scattered and his mouth caked with vomit. She had been the one that called the ambulance for him. She had been the one to try clean up the mess he had made. She had been the one that rode in the ambulance with him, holding onto his hand as if he was someone that mattered. Maybe in a way, he did matter to her. They were siblings, after all.

It was a devastating day for everyone. Derek never wanted for his mom to look at him the way she did that day.

Derek turned his head towards the door, and then at the clock on the wall. They still had a lot of time to go, but Derek was feeling that he’d been here for more than an hour. It was frustrating.

Derek looked back at Katherine. She was a forty-something years old lady, with graying hair here and there. She had a kind face, but she could yield anyone under her sharp tongue to make them speak their minds. She would wear smart clothes, despite the weather outside. She’d have her hair up in a low bun, and she’d always seat in the same chair, with her legs crossed over each other, and her pad balanced on her knee.

Derek was a bit more complicated for her, she had admitted that to his mom. But she said that she never backed out of a challenge. Derek was quite a challenge for her.

But he felt like he was, somewhat, ready to talk about it. But he wasn’t sure how he could start.

“I don’t know where or how to start,” Derek said, his voice sounded odd to his own ears. It was lifeless. Hollowed.

“Why don’t you start from the beginning?” Katherine suggested, her voice light. She had one of those voices that held gentleness to it, but at the same time, it was stern. Derek could hear the small amount of excitement it held, but he didn’t want to back down now. He’s spoken the words, there was no going back now, right?

“I don’t think I remember it clearly,” Derek let out a huff of breath. He ran a hand through his hair and scratched at his beard. He had a slight stubble at the time, and  _he_  seemed to like it. Derek remembered that.

Derek’s breathing quickened as he let himself to remember a small scene. He squeezed his eyes shut. “I can’t,” he whispered, he voice shook from held back tears and frustration. “I can’t… I can’t talk about it. I can’t. I want to, but I can’t. I can’t remember him and everything. I don’t wa-“ Derek couldn’t finish his sentence.

He felt like he was on the verge of yelling, of a full blown panic attack. He felt like he was going to be ripped apart, to tiny little pieces from it. It was too much at once. He wasn’t ready for it. He wasn’t ready for remembering and re-living it all.

“Derek, you don’t have to do anything if you’re not up to it, okay? I need you to concentrate on my voice and start breathing. Breathe in, count to ten and release, can you do that for me?”

He didn’t know if he nodded, or if he made any sort of noise, but he knew that he was doing exactly what Katherine had asked him to do. He took steadying breathes and opened his eyes. Katherine was sitting in front of him, on the coffee table, her hands gripping tightly on Derek’s forearms. Derek frowned down at her hands, and she slowly lift them up. “You were gripping at your hair. It looked painful, so I had to…”

Derek nodded. He got it. Laura did the same to him far more than he was comfortable admitting.

“I’m sorry,” Derek said, his voice choked still.

“It is perfectly alright, Derek. We can try it some other time again, okay?” She said, her voice soothing and comforting Derek in a way that was almost hypnotic.

Derek just nodded.

* * *

 

Hours later, in the middle of the night, Derek laid down in his bed, starring up at the ceiling. He still had the same apartment that his mother gave him as a graduation gift. It had seen better days, of course, but he liked living here. It had a sense of calmness to it that he needed in his life.

Nights like these made him think of what he wanted out of his life.

He knew what he really wanted. He wanted to be with  _him_ , to have  _him_  wrapped around in his arms. To feel  _his_ breathe on his neck… Derek closed his eyes. After all these years, he didn’t forget. He still felt how it felt back then. He still could imagine  _him_  being there right next to him. Maybe  _he_  was there, but Derek was too blind to see  _him_? 

Derek let out a pathetic whine at the back of his neck and turned to his side, burrowing his face into his soft mattress.

Katherine was right. Of course she was. She never seemed to be wrong in anything. She wanted Derek to share his history with her. After all these years, of them sitting across from each other, she never got frustrated or tired from Derek. He was sure that she knew that if Derek were to share his story, it would be one of the greatest things she’d ever hear in her whole life. Because for Derek… What happened to him was something otherworldly beautiful. No one ever had that kind of thing in their lives, and in such short time, that it still had a great effect on Derek. Maybe that’s what it would do to you?

Maybe that’s what falling in love with someone on a short period of time, and then lose them in a matter of days would do to a tortured and loving soul? Maybe that’s what happened to every great love story? Derek wasn’t sure, and he’d never find out if it was because of it.

It was getting harder and harder to fight most of these days. And Derek was tired. So very tired.

He rolled on his back and looked at the ceiling once again. He knew he had a sharp knife hidden under his bed. If he wanted he could reach for it and end his life in a matter of seconds, but suddenly he felt that presence again. It was right beside him. And if he concentrated enough, he could also feel a body heat caressing his bare bicep.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep, feeling content and relaxed.

* * *

 

A week later, Derek found himself making his way up the parking lot towards the clinic. As he walked he looked around to check if he could see the familiar red car of his sister. He asked her to come to the therapy today with him. She agreed in a heartbeat, when Derek told her why.

Derek wringed his hands nervously as he made his way up the final steps to the clinic. He knew what he wanted to talk about, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to get through the whole story. He was determined to try, at least.

Few minutes later, he and Laura were sitting across from Katherine.  He found Laura waiting for him in Katherine’s office. They didn’t say anything other than they’re usual greetings. Both of the women were waiting for him to start talking. The only thing that Katherine said was “Whenever you’re ready, Derek.” And that was it. Nothing else.

Derek scratched the back of his neck, puffed out a huff of breath, and said, “It was a month before prom. Everyone were excited for it…”

* * *

 

It was a sunny day and Scott confronted Derek as he made his way from the field back to school. They were at the school grounds. More specifically, standing close to the bleachers on a hot, sunny day. Derek was making his way from the field back to the school, when Scott run up to him and told him that they needed to talk.

“You want me to do what?” asked an eighteen year old Derek to Scott.

“Dude, it’s just one night. You ask him to be your date for the prom, he’ll definitely say yes. You get an awesome date and you’ll make him happy. It’s a win-win situation,” Scott said excitedly, his eyes wide and hair sticking to his forehead.

Derek pursed his lips. “How is it a win-win?”

“You both get to enjoy your night. Together.”

“I’m not gonna sleep with him,” Derek was quick to say.

“Dude, that still isn’t a no, right?”

“Why me, though? There are plenty of other boys in this school who’d want to go to the prom with someone. Especially your best friend.”

Scott raised an eyebrow, “Why especially my friend? Do you like, secretly like him or something? Because dude, that would be awesome.”

Derek raised his hands and said, “No, what? NO. I don’t  _like_  him, okay? I just… I meant that he can have anyone he wants.”

“Riiight,” Scott replied. His tone of voice suggested that he was contemplating whether Derek was an idiot or not. He probably was. Because he knew he was going to agree. “Okay, look. He’s got a bucket list. I saw that on one of the numbers that he wanted to go to the prom with someone hot and someone he… it’s… dude, listen, help a bro out, yeah?”

Derek let out a heavy sigh, rubbed the bridge of his nose and reluctantly, nodded. Scott punched the air and smiled at Derek brilliantly. Scott was like one of those overly excited puppies that nothing would dampen their mood. It was adorable, and ten times annoying.

“Okay, so. You’re gonna do it today, and you’re gonna do it in cafeteria.”

“Woah, woah, woah. What?” asked Derek, straightening up from his leaning position against the bleachers. “Why the publicity?”

“Because knowing him, he’d want something like that to prove people that he  _was_  actually gonna go to the prom with a hot date,” said Scott matter-of-factly.

“Can you stop calling me hot? It’s making me uncomfortable.”

“Speaking nothing but the truth, bro.”

“I’m not your bro,” rebuked Derek, but his heart wasn’t into it. He crossed his arms across his chest and looked down at the grass. It wouldn’t take much from him. He just needed to wear a suit, get the guy to the party and done. Nothing more, nothing less. It wasn’t like they were dating and things were gonna happen between them.

Derek sighed, and then said, “I’m probably gonna regret this later in life, but whatever. Yeah, I’ll do it.”

Scott looked like he was gonna get himself into a frenzy from the way he got excited over it. Derek rolled his eyes and pushed himself away from the bleachers. He took several steps towards the school, but he turned around and asked.

“Why does he have a bucket list? I thought only elderly people did that.”

Scott’s excitement seemed to waiver for a second, but he composed his features into what he hoped was an encouraging smile. “Oh, people do a lot of things these days that we never thought was possible for us to do.”

Derek didn’t get what he was saying, but he just shrugged and walked back to the school.

Stiles Stilinski was as plain as they’d come. He had a buzz cut, he was skinny, a head shorter than Derek. He wore hoodies and plaid shirts over colorful t-shirts. He was spastic and all over the place. He had full chapped lips, doe eyes, and moles. Moles everywhere. It wasn’t unattractive on him. It suited him just fine.

But there was something off about him, Derek thought as he observed Stiles across the cafeteria at lunch. He threw his head back and laughed at something that Scott told him. Derek found himself staring at the exposed skin of his neck. When he looked down once again, Derek saw it.

As much as Stiles masked himself behind his quirkiness, laughter, dry sense of humor and sarcasm, his eyes were lifeless.

Derek frowned. He was never wrong when he got the feeling that someone hid something from everyone. Stiles wasn’t an exception. Derek found himself wanting to get closer with Stiles and get to know him more.

Derek got up from his usual table, his group of friends said something to him, but he didn’t pay them any attention. He had one focus: get to Stiles, talk to him, and ask him to prom. Easier said than done.

“Hey,” said Derek as he sat down across from Stiles, who stopped chewing his curly fries, the whole cafeteria went quiet. Mouth hanging open unattractively, Stiles stared at him like he was a godsend from heaven. Derek disliked that look on people’s faces. Internally, he heaved a sigh. He plastered a small smile on his face, and ignored all the eyes that were focused on him. “How are you?”

Stiles didn’t say anything, but continued to stare at him. Instead, he asked, his mouth still full of fries, “What are you doing here?”

“What does it look like? I’m trying to have a conversation with you,” said Derek casually. For some odd reason, his hands were sweating.

“No, you can’t,” said Stiles swallowing the fries, and staring at him with a bit of a terror.

“Why not?” asked Derek hesitantly, his smile dropping, a frown etching across his forehead. He flicked his eyes towards Scott, who was staring down at his hands, and then back at Stiles.

“Because you are Derek Hale, and guys like you don’t hang out with guys like me.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You’re the popular guy who can do whatever he wants. And you’ve got this group of friends that every kid of in this school is terrified of.”

“Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Terrified of us?”

“Why should I be?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

Stiles clenched his jaw and looked straight into Derek’s eyes. “There’s never been anyone who made me feel even the slightest shiver in my bones.”

“Good. Because I assure you, I’m not a bad person and you shouldn’t be terrified of me.”

“I’m not.”

“Good. Now, can I say why I originally came here for?”

“Yeah, sure. Because the kids of this school have better things to be doing then sitting here and starring at us like idiots.”

There was a grumble from several of people around them. And it was weird. He knew what he had to say, but now, he was nervous. Maybe because he hadn’t realized the intensity of the situation? Asking someone to the prom in the hallway was easy, but asking them to a prom in cafeteria, was something that Derek wasn’t fond of. This could go two ways, Derek decided as they stared at one another. It was now or never anyway. What was the worst that could happen?

“The reason why I’m sitting across from you is because I wanted to ask you; if you wanted to go to the prom with me?” Derek said it so fast he wasn’t sure that anyone heard him.

Stiles  _did_  hear him, however, and he wasn’t very…welcoming about it. Before Derek could react, Stiles splashed his apple juice across Derek’s face and walked out of the cafeteria.

There was dead silence around them, and then the whole cafeteria started talking. Derek sat stock still, juice dripping down his chin, staring at the white table in front of him. He frowned next, grabbed a wad of tissues and then stood up.

Scott looked up at him, his eyes wide and terrified. “Go after him. Now,” he whispered standing and shoving him to the door’s direction. Derek nodded and walked out after Stiles. In the hallway he turned right and then left and saw Stiles leaving out from the front door. Derek shook his head and ran after him.

Once outside, he yelled out his name, “Stiles! Wait!” This only seemed to make Stiles walk faster. Derek groaned internally and he ran after him across the parking lot. “Stiles, wait. Come on. Let’s talk.” Derek pleaded, which he never done before, and Stiles stopped short and whirled around to face Derek; who tried not to smack against Stiles’ chest.

“Talk? Talk about what exactly? How-how it’s this some sort of sick joke that you and your little friends wanna play at? Guess what? You can go and fuck yourself with a bat stick, okay? I’m not your next bully project to be humiliated in front of the whole school like you and your-your little cronies did all those years ago!”

Derek felt like his chest was going to explode from the embarrassment and, well, guilt. All those years ago, when they were all still in middle school together, Derek’s friends used to pick up on the ‘nerds’ of the school. Derek was considered to be the leader.

Derek remembered that day very clearly. It was a normal school day for the lot of them except, of course, for Stiles. Derek has heard that his friends were going to take their pranking to the next level, but before he could do anything about it, it happened. There was a small school play that the drama class had set up. Stiles was in that drama class. Before the spectacle, one of Derek’s friends (he wasn’t friends with the few of them after that) had poured Ex-Lax in his bottle of water. And well… Derek didn’t even want to remember it, because he was horrified for what it had done to Stiles that day.

He still has small scars on his hands from when he beat the shit out of his so-called friends that day.

“Listen, I wasn’t involved in their wrong doings from that day, okay? For what it’s worth, I’m sorry on their behalf. Believe me when I say that I’m  _not_  asking you to the prom as a joke,” Derek reasoned with him. He knew he was pleading with Stiles, but if he had to he’d fall to his knees and beg him.

Derek was one of those people who when they put their minds to something, they’d do it till the end. It was terrifying the first few times when he did some of the stuff when he was a kid, but in years through his life, he accepted this little quirk of himself. Sometimes it was good that he got it, sometimes it wasn’t. Right now, he wasn’t sure which one it was.

“Why me? You could have anyone in this school. Why me, exactly?”

Derek faltered and swallowed. He could tell the truth and live with the consequences later, or he could just lie. He was never a very good liar, but there was no other choice. “Because I want to. I want to get to know you and uhm… because I also like you,” he said slowly.

“Because you “also” like me?” Stiles asked, sounding skeptical, with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes. Yeah. Because I also like you. So there.”

Stiles stared at him for a moment and then, “Yeah, no. Bye.” He turned around and walked to his car.

“Stiles, come on. Please,” said Derek walking after him, and watching as he climbed into his beat-up jeep. “Is this thing even safe?” he asked, momentarily forgetting what they were doing here. When he saw the death glare Stiles aimed at him he raised his hands in surrender. He then said, his voice calmer now, “Go to the prom with me. Please.”

Stiles sat in his car, hands over the wheel. He licked his lips, and then looked at Derek. He must’ve seen something on Derek’s face because he started nodding. Derek’s eyes widened. “Is that-Are you agreeing to go?”

“Last time I checked nodding means a positive replying method,” said Stiles sarcastically.

“Yes, yes. Sure. Yeah. You’re right. Cool. That’s awesome. Thank you,” Derek hadn’t realized he was babbling until Stiles rolled his eyes and started his car.

“See you around, Derek Hale,” he said and drove away.

“Yeah, bye!” replied Derek, his hand raised in a wave. It took him a few seconds to realize what he had done, how he acted and what he had accomplished. He ran both of his hands through his hair and whispered. “I’m going to prom with Stilinski.”

He didn’t know if he should feel ecstatic or stab himself in the face with a knife. Repeatedly.

* * *

 

The next few days were filled with Derek hanging out around Stiles as much as he could.  After all, they were going to go to the prom together, Derek needed to know more about Stiles, other than the obvious stuff. Such as…

“Star Wars, dude. And Harry Potter. How can you not watch and love them? You know what? No, don’t answer to that,” Stiles looked excited and erratic and anxious at the same time. How would he do it, Derek had no idea, but it was cute.

“I was just never into that kind of stuff. Fantasy and sci-fi aren’t my thing, ya know?”

“What’s your thing then?” asked Stiles as they walked out of the school. “Action? Horror? Rom-com? Dude, don’t tell me you’re a rom-com guy because  _seriously._ ”

“What? No. I-I’m not. No.”

“What then?”

When they got to the parking lot, Stiles leaned against his car and crossed his arms over his chest. Derek leaned against it as well and looked down at Stiles. He shrugged. “I don’t have a favorite, to be honest. I just watch the movie. If I like it then I like it, if I don’t, well… you get the drift.”

Stiles looked at him in shock, “So, what? Don’t tell me you’ve watched both Harry Potter  _and_  Star Wars, and didn’t like them both? Because that’s bullshit. I’m calling you out on your bullshit. Hah!”

“I haven’t watched them. I was never really interested in them. They seemed boring.”

Derek felt like Stiles was going to explode from shock. Honestly, Derek  _had_  watched both of the movie series, and he  _was_  a fan of them, but seeing this side of Stiles was… fascinating, to say the least. Yesterday, Derek realized that Stiles was attractive, in his own way. He doesn’t even remember what they were doing, but suddenly Derek stopped and just stared at him.

He did remember that they were outside and the sun made Stiles’ eyes turn honey brown. And Derek felt like his breath got knocked out of him. Right now, those damned eyes were sparkling with something that made Derek crave for _something_. It was a weird sensation. Stiles was talking about the pros and cons of Harry Potter movies. He was being rather enthusiastic about his tails, and Derek had to duck out of the way of flying arms.

“I mean, in the movies, the CGI of Voldy’s death is awesome, but seriously? It was so not how it happened in the books. I thought I was watching another movie or something. And then-“

“Let’s have a date night.”

“-there was this scene where Draco- wait, what?”

“Let’s have a date night. At my place. Or yours. I don’t care. But let’s hang out and watch all the Potter movies. Together. In one go. A marathon.”

Stiles stared at him for a moment and then said, “You do know you’re talking about up to 20 hours of nonstop awesome magic, with awesome cast, and awesome movies, right?”

“Yes,” Derek replied, and nodded for a good measure. “I know what I’m saying, if you’re up for it, then I am too. We can do it on weekend, so we won’t have to worry about school the next day.”

“Did you just decide for it right now, or were you planning on asking me out on a proper date?” asked Stiles, straightening up and narrowing his eyes at him. 

“Both. Although, I did want to ask you out on a date, but since I was probably gonna ask you to go to movies with me, what better way to actually watch a movie then watch it at home with your date? And having as much pizza and snacks as we’d like.”

“Fair enough,” replied Stiles after a minute of hesitation. “Only, we’ll have to go to my place to watch them. I have… things at the house that I have to use. I’m not allowed to move said stuff, because I’m a major klutz and I’d probably lose them.”

Derek raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. “Whatever. We can do it outside, for all I care. As long as we can hang out together.”

To Derek’s relief, Stiles gave him a smile. “Awesome. I’ll check with my dad first, but I’m sure he’ll agree to it. I’ll text you with the time?”

“Aren’t you going to be at school tomorrow?”

Something seemed to flicker in Stiles’ eyes at that. Then he composed himself and shook his head. “No, I have things to do in the next two days, so I won’t be at school. But you can still text me, and I’ll reply as soon as I can. Promise.”

Derek frowned. “Why won’t you be at school? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Yep. Totally,” Stiles replied, nodding fervently. Derek didn’t believe him the slightest bit, but he nodded back.

“Okay. Sure. I’ll text you.”

“Awesome,” said Stiles giving Derek a brilliant smile. “I’ll see you, hopefully, on Saturday.”

“Whatever and whichever day you’re free to have a date night with me.”

Stiles hopped into his car, gave Derek one of those rare, small smiles, that Derek thought Stiles reserved only for him, and drove out of the parking lot of the school.

* * *

 

Saturday morning, Derek knocked on Stiles’ house front door. Derek nervously toyed with the hem of his shirt as he waited for him to open the door. After what probably felt like fifteen minutes, Derek heard footsteps going down the stairs. A second later the door flew open and Derek stared. Stiles looked pale and weak. He looked like he didn’t have a blink of sleep and his hair was messier than usual. He was also still in his PJ’s.

“I uh, is this a bad time? I got your message yesterday saying you want to meet today? I can come back later if you-are you okay?” Derek asked, feeling alarmed from Stiles’ state.

Stiles nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I just… I’m still sleepy, that’s all. But come on in. I’ll go upstairs, take a shower, change and come back. It’ll probably take, like 20 minutes.”

Derek didn’t feel like going in, but Stiles was already turning away from the door and going up the stairs to the second floor. He looked more lethargic then the energetic kid he knew from school who ran around all the time. The door stayed open and Derek still felt unsure about this. Should he really go in, or maybe come back later another day? He rubbed the back of his neck.

“Come inside and close that damned door, Derek Hale or I swear,” Stiles didn’t need to finish that sentence for Derek to know what he meant. So he had no choice but to go in.

He looked around the hallway and noticed handfuls of pictures accessorizing the walls. Derek’s lips tugged up from the sides when he noticed that some of the pictures held a younger Stiles, who looked much healthier than he did couple of minutes ago. There was also pictures of him with his dad and mom. Derek took notice that a lot of the pictures held Stiles’ mom in them.

Derek never knew Claudia personally, but he heard a lot about her from his mom. She looked kind. Though he wasn't fully aware of Stiles' existence back then, it saddened Derek when word got around of Stiles' mother dying of cancer.

He heard the shower running from upstairs so Derek sighed and made his way what appeared to bethe living room. He sat on the couch and looked around the normal and cozy looking room. It felt nice and homely.

Stiles bounded down the stairs few minutes later, and Derek saw him make his way through another door, which he presumed was the kitchen. Derek heard him move around there for a bit and then he came back in with snacks loaded up in his arms.

Derek stood up and helped him with those.

“Thanks,” said Stiles. He looked more like a human being now. “So my dad isn’t home, and won’t be home till tomorrow. He said you could stay over, but he wasn’t happy about it. Although, it’s still too early to be thinking about that right now, but I’m saying this just in case you’ll fall asleep or something. You need to tell your mum, though. So… Yeah. Harry Potter?”

It took Derek a minute to get what Stiles was asking, so he nodded and got comfortable on the couch again. He fetched his phone out of his pocket and texted his mom, saying he might not make it home. It took him some time to persuade her that he wasn’t in any trouble, and that yes, he was perfectly safe in the  _Sheriff’s_  house.

“Mom knows. So we’re good,” Derek said, as he locked his phone and placed it back in his pocket.

“Cool,” said Stiles nodding. He placed the first movie on TV, of Potter and walked back to the couch.

Derek noticed that he sat close to him, but didn’t comment on it. Stiles then placed the popcorn bowl on his thigh and told Derek that he can eat some of it as well. Derek just nodded, his eyes glued to the screen… 

 

* * *

 

“Halfway through the second movie, I felt Stiles fall asleep. His head was resting on my shoulder… It felt nice. At that moment, I realized that Stiles was,  _is_  someone special for me. He… I… It was weird,” Derek frowned. “I mean, I barely knew the guy, and here I was feeling… _feelings_  towards him. For him. I never got how or when I started to feel that attraction to him, but I did. I do. He was fragile, and weak, and definitely the most annoying kid in our school, but he was Stiles. And that seemed to be enough for me to let him get away with things.”

“Is that why you never got mad at him when he’d take your CD’s and giving them back to you a week later?” asked Laura, her voice low and gentle.

Derek almost forgot that she was here as well today. He nodded and gave her a small smile. “Yeah. I couldn’t say no to him even if it would kill me inside.”

“You’re one weird person, Derek,” Laura shook her head at Derek who smiled at her. She turned to Katherine and said, “He was very protective over his CD’s. Whenever I had to listen to something of his, he’d make sure I’d give it back to him the very next day. And here Stiles was, getting into his things and stealing them for weeks.”

Katherine looked at the watch on the wall and gave them a sad smile. “Unfortunately, your time’s up. Do you think you can continue talking about this in our next meeting?”

“I think so, yes,” replied Derek standing up. Laura stood up too.

“Until next time then,” said Katherine.

* * *

 

It was a week later that Derek found himself sitting opposite Katherine’s office. Laura didn’t come with him today, she said she had things to take care of. Derek understood her and didn’t give it much of a thought. Secretly, Derek was also glad that she didn’t come with him. It made him feel more relaxed this way.

Derek didn’t know where to start today. So much has happened in the past week, and he was feeling overwhelmed with the amount of things he wanted to talk about.

“I don’t know where to start,” he said as he nervously picked on his jeans.

“Start from wherever you feel comfortable,” she replied.

“Yeah, uhm…” Derek scratched the back of his neck and then resumed his picking. “I was out grocery shopping, the other day, and uh I-I saw his dad. I didn’t know he was still in town. I thought he left after, you know… He looked older than I remembered him being. Of course he looked older, how could he not, right? People do get old. People grow…” Derek’s voice faded away. He looked out of the window. It was raining. It used to give him pleasure, but these days, the only thing he wanted was sunny days. It was his favorite days. Stiles’.

“How did that make you feel?”

It took him a moment to realize that Katherine asked him a question. “I’m sorry, what?”

“How did your meeting with his dad make you feel?”

“I felt like crying, running, screaming, and crumbling into pieces all at once. I didn’t know what to do. You know, when you have that feeling that you don’t know what to do with your hands while there’s someone taking your pictures?”

“I do. It’s an awful feeling.”

“It is,” Derek gave her a bitter laugh. “It was. I didn’t know what to do with myself.”

“What happened next?”

“He stared at me for a few seconds, and then he smiled at me and walked towards me.”

“And then?”

“He hugged me,” said Derek, his eyes filling up with tears as he remembered that feeling of being hugged by someone he respected all those years ago. And still did. “He hugged me and I felt like I was being suffocated.”

“Did you tell him to stop, or did you leave?”

“I actually pushed him away and ran out of the store. Had a panic attack at the parking lot. He found me sitting on the ground next to my car, shaking and crying. I think I was bubbling something, but I don’t know what. He told me that ‘everything’s okay’ and that all ‘you have to do is breath, Derek, just breathe’. It made me cry harder.”

“Do you consider him being a triggering memory to you?” Katherine asked, while writing something down on her clipboard. Maybe more prescriptions. Who knew…

“I wouldn’t call him a trigger. I mean, yeah I had a panic attack, but he’s… he’s Stiles’ dad, ya know?” Derek said, sounding helpless even to his own ears. “He can’t be a trigger. I refuse to subject him to that category.”

“Do you want to talk about Stiles today?” asked Katherine, looking at him through her glasses.

“Yes, I do,” said Derek. His words sounded surer, than he felt.

“What would you like to tell me today?”

* * *

 

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because you don’t have an ounce of artistic nature in you, Hale. So, no. I’m not gonna go to the museum as a date with you.” 

Stiles picked his bag from the ground and started shoving his book into it. It was a lovely day, so he and Stiles thought they’d have their lunch in the schoolyard.

“But I do love art and I think it’s a great way to get to know each other more,” Derek tried to reason with Stiles.

Stiles sighed and dropped his bag to the ground. He sat up straighter and stared at Derek. “Why do you want to get to know me? I’m nobody. A nobody who you want to take to prom. For some odd reason.”

“Because I like you.”

“You like me.”

“Yes.”

“Bullshit,” Stiles picked up his bag and tray and walked to the trashcan. “I don’t believe a single word that is coming out of your mouth.”

Derek let out a frustrated sound and ran a hand through his hair, “Why do you always do this? I’m sick and tired of your emotions going up and down all day long. One second you’re this awesome dude and the next, all I know is that I want to bash your head in.”

Stiles swiveled around, dropping his tray to the ground and shoving at Derek’s chest. Derek didn’t even budge an inch. The alarming thing was that Stiles was looking weaker by the day. It was troubling and worrying. Derek couldn’t help himself but think that there was something wrong with Stiles and he wanted to know what it was. But Stiles was behaving like an ass, as usual, and he didn’t know if he could get anything from Stiles at this point.

Derek sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “Look, I want to get to know you. Whether you like it or not, I want to know you. I don’t care if you have secret, weird fetishesthat you wouldn’t want anyone to know. Hell,  _I_  want to know those things. I just want to spend more time with you and get to know you. Is it too hard to understand? Am I not speaking in English?”

“Sadly for me, you’re speaking in perfect English. I just…” Stiles bit his lower lip and Derek’s eyes zoomed in on the action. “I just... You just gotta let me breathe from time to time, dude.”

“But that’s all I have been doing. Leaving you alone whenever you wanted to. I never asked you why you wanted time off from me. How many times a week a guy your age needs a time off from a certain person?”

“You’re forgetting that you  _are_  my age as well.”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” snapped Stiles. He was breathing hard and Derek noticed for the first time that they were inches away from each other and Stiles’ eyes would shine brightly whenever he’d get riled up. Derek never had this strong urge to kiss Stiles as he did right now. But he didn’t. Instead, he took a deep steadying breath and took a step back. Stiles licked his lower lip, eyes running over Derek’s face. When he spoke, his voice was soft, “Derek, you need to back off a bit.”

“I’ve done nothing but keep my distance from you all these days,” Derek replied, his voice steady. Inside, he was shaking.

“I know, and I appreciate it. But I need more space. I need to think about this. I can’t let you into my life when I know…”

“When you know, what?” asked Derek, inching closer, but Stiles shook his head.

“I can’t tell you. Not yet. I don’t think I’ll ever will, but at this moment, I can’t. And you have to respect my wish. Please,” he pleaded with Derek. He sounded so sincere that Derek had no other choice but to nod. He took a visible step back, his brow furrowed. What Stiles just said made no sense to him. And it irritated him. Derek hated not understanding what was happening. “Thank you. I’ll see you around, okay? Or I’ll text you, or something.”

Derek only nodded, looking down at the grass, not having it in him to look up at Stiles. Seconds later, Stiles left him there, not saying a word.

Derek walked back to their bench, picked his bag up from the ground and walked to the parking lot. He didn’t want to stay at school anymore, so he drove home. Lucky for him, there was noone else home, so he had the house all to himself. This was what he wanted; alone time for him to think about this whole situation.

He ran up the stairs, into his bedroom, and flopped down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

When Scott first approached him for the prom date, Derek was surprised by it. He never would’ve thought that someone like Stiles was interested in him. Sure, Derek knew what he looked like, and he also knew that the whole school popularity was pining after him, but Stiles… Stiles was one of those people who was friends with everyone, and yet friends with no one, at the same time. He had one of a kind personality that no one understood better than his best friend, Scott. After all, these two had been friends since kindergarten, from what Derek heard.

So for Scott telling Derek that Stiles was actually interested in him but at the same time not, he was a bit confused about it. He agreed though, of course he did, how could he not? Stiles looked attractive, he had awesome hair, honey bright eyes, and moles. One of Derek’s weaknesses were moles on a person. Especially the ones that suited the character they belonged to. And Stiles was a character.

Scott also said that Stiles would’ve been delighted of Derek’s ‘promposal’. Turned out, Stiles  _wasn’t._  He made a big deal out of it and almost had a nervous breakdown on the parking lot. So what was the real thing? Stiles didn’t really want Derek to ask him out, or Scott was pulling a prank on Derek and Derek was clueless about it?

Derek groaned and covered his face with his hands. “This is fucked up.”

“Language, young man.”

“Mom!” Derek sat up straight in his bed. “When did you get in?”

“When did you got home from school?”

“Probably 30 minutes ago, I don’t know.”

“Did you skip school? You’ve never done that before.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve never had the dilemma that I’m in right now, so, first time for everything?” he posed it as a question, trying to not get in trouble for his stupidity.

Talia sighed and walked further into his room. She sat at the edge of the bed and looked at him. “You better start explaining yourself why you are at home, when you should be at school right now? And in bed, at this time, looking like someone ran over your cat.”

“I don’t have a cat.”

“You  _could_  have a cat, if you and Laura weren’t stupid enough to traumatize Cupcakeso much that we had to take her to the shelter for a week.”

Cupcake had been their family cat since Derek could remember her. She was old and fat, and recently had been taken to the shelter because she was feeling ill and Talia couldn’t look after her now, since they didn’t know what was happening to her.

“She’s old and ill, don’t blame us for that.”

“Yes, but look at where we are now,” said Talia gesturing around the room. Derek frowned at her. His mom was one weird woman. Derek hadn't noticed until now that he and his sister might have inherited their mother's weirdness. Like mother, like child. “Now, tell me what’s happening in that life of yours?”

Talia was probably one of those people with whom Derek could talk about anything he wanted. “I asked Stiles to prom, few weeks ago.”

“Stiles? That scrawny kid from your class?” asked Talia, a small smile inching up at the corner of her mouth.

“Yes, you know him?”

Talia rolled her eyes, “Everyone knows the Sheriff’s kid, Derek.”

“Right. Anyways, I asked him to the prom and he was reluctant to agree at first, but he did eventually. After having a nervous breakdown in the parking lot of the school.”

“Oh dear.”

“Yeah,” snorted Derek, shaking his head. He laid back on his bed. “What I don’t get is this. Scott, his best friend, asked me to ask Stiles for prom. And he sounded so sure about it that I started to feel sure about myself as well. So when I asked Stiles and he was all iffy about it, I kind of felt doubt and unsure about the whole situation. But then he agreed and we had a date, that movie night date from few days ago, and well, he has been hot and cold all this time. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Did you talk to him? About what’s bothering you?”

Derek shrugged and nodded at the same time. “I try to talk to him about anything, but he gets angry and defensive. Hell, we never had a normal conversation before. It’s all so frustrating. And I have a feeling he’s keeping something from me. Something big. Come to think of it, Scott probably knows what it is because he was too convincing about it.” Derek eyed his mom when she grew silent. “And I have a feeling that you know something as well.”

“I don’t know anything,” Talia was never a good liar, and Derek see through her in a second.

“Oh I know that you know something, mom. So start talking. Preferably now,” said Derek, his voice serious.

Talia rolled her eyes and stood up, “Tune down the attitude, Hale. You won’t get far by that. And besides, if Stiles is keeping something from you then it’s his choice to do so. No one can convince him otherwise. So my advice to you is, if you are serious about him, you just need to wait for him to come around. And whenever he’s ready, he’ll tell you whatever he has to tell you.” Talia smiled at him and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “I’ll call you when the dinner is ready, ok?”

Derek nodded at her and turned to his side, facing the window. Talia shut the door after her as she left, leaving Derek to his own thoughts.

* * *

 

Next day at school, Derek kept his distance from Stiles. He would go to his classes, face the blackboard and ignore the stares he’d get from both Stiles and Scott. At one point during the day, he dodged Scott when he approached him and tried to talk to him. He didn’t have it in him to talk to Scott. Especially Scott, since he was the one who led Derek to believe that Stiles was truly interested in him.

His feelings were still complicated about the matter. He knew that he liked Stiles enough that he’d freely go to second, even third base with him, but he hadn’t had the time to actually look into it more. So he still left that whole thing on a tight lock.

During lunchtime, he sat with his friends. Joined in on their occasional conversations but he wasn’t feeling it. He felt several pairs of eyes on him from a certain table of the cafeteria. There was some shifting from his right side and he turned his to the side and felt his eyebrows go up in surprise. Lydia Martin sat beside him, lips pursed in an annoyed way. She was silently glaring at him.

“Yes?”

“You’re an idiot, you do know that right?”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh don’t play stupid with me, Derek Hale. I know what’s been going on between you and Stiles.”

“How could you- There’s nothing going on between us.”

“Not that it’s any of your concern, but Stiles and I are very close friends and we share stuff with each other. Now, if you stop being your dumb self and start to actually look around you, you’ll get the picture perfect idea of what’s really happening. Because I know that you are a smart person, Derek.”

“First of all, I haven’t done anything wrong. I just want to get to know Stiles. What’s so bad about it?”

“There’s nothing bad about it. Unless if you were, say, ignorant about important stuff.”

“Important stuff that I have no idea of, right?”

“It’s in front of you.”

Derek let out a frustrated sigh and said in a hard voice, “Look, it’s too early for me to even think about classes for today. I didn’t sleep well last night, I haven’t talked to Stiles since yesterday afternoon, and it’s driving me up the freaking wall. So, if you have anything useful to tell me and not just talk big and try to riddle me into knowing what you’re actually talking about, I suggest you to leave me the fuck alone, okay? Because I don’t have time for you or this, understood?”

“Stiles told me you were rude, but he never told me you were grumpy rude. All I’m going to tell you is that Stiles has a good reason for his behavior. It’s up to you to stick around long enough to find out about it,” she flipped her hair over her shoulder and stood up. Before she walked away, she backtracked and leaned close to his ear and whispered, “The only warning I want to give you is this; don’t get too attached to him. Or he will break your heart in the end. But I can see that I’m already too late on the warning. I hope you won’t be too heartbroken in the end.”

And with that, she left him staring after her, feeling more confused than ever.

It took him few more days to have the courage to approach Scott. Since he gave Stiles the room to breathe, the only person who could answer to any questions that he had about this whole situation was Scott. Derek cornered Scott after his lacrosse practice. He looked exhausted but it didn’t stop Derek from approaching him in the locker room.

“What do you want?” asked Scott.

“The truth,” said Derek.

“You must be more specific because I can think about various things and none of them will come close to what you’re really asking for.”

Derek rolled his eyes. No wonder Stiles and he were best friends since diapers age. “Tell me the truth about Stiles. And no bullshitting this time, Scott. I need to know why you asked me to ask him to the prom. Also, why’s he the way he is. And why he doesn’t want to spend time with me.”

“Dude, why don’t you ask him yourself?”

“For some odd reason he doesn’t talk to me. At all.”

“But you’ve gone out. Or in. Or whatever. What I mean is, you hang out all the time, don’t you like, ask him questions or something?”

“I do, but he always gets angry with me and starts arguing with me, when all I want to do is to actually have a decent conversation with him.”

Scott sighed and pulled on his t-shirt. He grabbed his bag from his locker, and shrugged it on his shoulder. He walked out of the room, Derek following close behind him. “Look, I can’t answer to any of your questions that you obviously have for Stiles. But I can tell you this: If you sit down across from Stiles, and coax him into talking to you, he will. It’s like talking to a wounded animal. They don’t want you to touch them at first, but when you spot their weak spot and start gently prodding at it, they open up like a flower to you.”

Derek stared at him, face blank. He never heard Scott being so…poetic, or whatever, about things. “How do you even know how to speak this way?” Because last time he checked, Scott wasn’t literate. At all.

Scott rolled his eyes and continued down the hallway. “No wonder he likes you.”

“What did you just say?” Derek felt like his insides turned numb.

“Nothing that wasn’t obvious. Why do you think I asked you, out of all people, to ask him to prom?” said Scott, looking at him as if he’d grown a second head. “You guys are so annoyingly clueless, it’s almost too much for me to handle,” Scott groaned into his hands as he covered his face with them.

“You make no sense,” said Derek, his face a mix of confusion and alarm of what Scott just said.

“I gotta go before I’ll say more shit and you’ll look even more alarmed by it. Just know, that he will talk to you if you approach him right. It is a delicate matter to all of us. So, just…tread carefully, is all I’m saying, okay?”

The only thing that Derek could do was nod.

* * *

 

“Why do you think Stiles was hiding that from you for so long?” Katherine asked Derek sometime later when he fell silent.

“He wanted to protect me, I guess.”

“From what?”

“Feelings? Not to fall for him? I guess, a tiny part of him knew that I would, you know, fall for him.”

“I feel like he was an extraordinary boy.”

“He was,” Derek let himself smile as he thought of Stiles. “He was one of a kind.”

“Why do you find it hard to move on from him? It has been years since the last time you saw him.”

“I feel like there’s something in me that needs to be told. To him. And I haven’t found the right time to talk to him.”

Katherine hummed and looked down at her papers. She scribbled down something on it and told Derek that their session was up. Derek thanked her for it and left the office.

The ride back to his apartment was silent except for the engine of his car. When he got home, he saw that he had a couple of unanswered calls at phone machine. So he clicked it on and started to change into sweats. Couple of the voicemails were of his mother, asking him where he was and how he was, and that he should be making plans to go and see her in the next few weeks. And she insisted on him to call her.

Derek didn’t.

He flopped down on his bed and closed his eyes. Couple of seconds later he was asleep.

* * *

 

Hours later, Derek woke up to the sound of his phone going off. Blinking rapidly and trying to make his limbs work, he reached out to the side table and took his phone from there.

“Hello?” he answered the call.

“Thank God you answered. Where the hell have you been? Mom was worried sick about you, you know?”

It took Derek couple of minutes to figure out who was calling him. “Laura?”

“No, it’s the Pope. Of course it’s me. Have you been drinking again?”

“I was asleep. You called me. And now you’re screaming. What is it?” asked Derek, sighing and turning on his back.

“As I said before, mom was worried about you, since you didn’t- Yes, mom, it’s Derek. Derek, hold on.” There was a shuffling noise at the other side of the phone and then his mom was talking a mile a minute. “Where have you been? I was so worried about you. I thought something bad had happened. And you weren’t answering your home phone. It didn’t even cross my mind to call you on your cell.”

Derek took a deep calming breath.  “Mom, calm down. I’m alright. I was seeing my therapist. And even if you’d call me on my cell, I wouldn’t have been able to answer to it. So, no worries. I’m alright.”

“Thank God… Why didn’t you call me when you got home then?”

“Because I was tired and fell asleep. I’m sorry if I worried you. You didn’t have to.”

Talia sighed, “It was silly of me to worry, I know. But you know me.”

Derek felt himself smiling, “Yeah.”

They chatted for a bit more, Derek feeling calmer by the second. He hadn’t realized how much he actually missed his mother until now. Talia had a way of talking to Derek whenever he wasn’t feeling well. She knew what to say to him to make him feel alright about himself.

After they were done talking, Derek laid back more comfortably in his bed and stared up at the ceiling. He wasn’t getting better, nor was he getting worse. He was in the middle of the whole thing and he had no clue how he was going to get out of it. His therapy sessions were somewhat helpful.

It felt nice being able to talk about this so freely. He was getting closer to the core of the story. He didn’t know if he was ready to talk about that now, but he had to, someday. He could maybe approach it slowly, or maybe just talk, as if he were discussing the weather. Or maybe not talk at all.

Derek ran a hand over his face, feeling numb all over. He closed his eyes, and soon sleep claimed him. Only this time, like it happened few days ago, he felt a warm presence by his side. He didn’t dream that night.

* * *

 

“Running. Of course you’d drag my ass down here for a run. No. It couldn’t have been talking about, I don’t know, say the new fall coats or something. Nooo, you drag me here to go out for a run with you. How can you be so cruel to me Derek? I had done nothing to you, but be by your side. Cherish you. Support you.”

“Laura, stop being so overtly dramatic and just run.”

“Easy for you to say,” snapped Laura as she picked up her pace of running. “Ugh. And it’s all so muddy here. Why couldn’t you wait until it stopped raining?”

“It would’ve been too late.”

“Late. Yes, I like that late thing. When it’s so late that it’d be ridiculous to even consider going out for a run. Seriously, I need a breather,” panted out Laura as she stopped and bend down to catch her breath.

“There’s only 5 more miles, and we’ll get to the top of the hill. It’ll be something beautiful. Nothing you’ve ever seen before.”

“I have seen something beautiful before,” when Derek cocked his head to the side, Laura straightened up, rotated her neck and simply said, “Pizza with lots of cheese on top. That’s something beautiful. Nothing compares to that.”

Derek rolled his eyes and turned around and started to jog up the hill. He was positive that Laura was going to regret her words later on. The view from the top of the hill was breathtaking, and he wanted to share it with Laura, for the first time in years.

When they got to the top, Derek tolerating every whimper and wine that would emit from Laura’s mouth, he fell silent when the land laid out in front of his eyes opened up to him. He smirked as he heard Laura’s breathing stop for a short second.

“Better than a pizza?” asked Derek, not being able to hide his smirk.

“Definitely,” replied Laura, her mouth gaping open as she stared. “This is beautiful, Derek. How did you find this place?”

“Stiles and I used to come here a lot. We found this place when he finally agreed to go out with me.”

“This is too beautiful,” whispered Laura. She sat on the ground, stretching and crossing her legs in front of her. The rain was drizzleby this point, so it wasn’t too horrible to stay out of the shadows of trees.

They were silent for some time, enjoying the view and basking in its glory. After a moment, Derek shifted a bit and said, “I never shared this place with anyone. And I never came here. Before, or after… This is the first time I’m here after all this time. I thought I was going to have a breakdown, but oddly enough I’m calm. Too calm. And it’s… it should be alarming, but I’m not alarmed, or worried. It’s worrisome.”

“I think you’re learning to move forward in life, and I think you’re not scared to be doing that.”

“You think so?” whispered Derek. He felt irritated at himself, because his eyes filled with unwanted tears.

“I do,” said Laura back, a sad smile playing on her lips. “I think you strung yourself thin. I think you need to let it all go now. And I swear, if you want to cry, I won’t mock you for that. Except if you’ll gross cry, that is. I’ll even take pictures.”

Despite himself, Derek found himself chuckling. A few tears ran down his cheeks, and he sniffled, brushing the back of his hand over his cheeks. “Stiles would’ve mocked me.”

“Of course he would. That kid never left you alone for one second. He’d always make you laugh or angry. And to tell you the truth, I loved you two together,” Derek turned his head to look at Laura. She wasn’t looking at him. “Despite the fact that you both were annoying little brats, there was something about you that made you unique. You had chemistry together. I haven’t seen anything like it before. And I wanted you two to work out. And in some way, you guys did. Despite you constantly fighting about literally everything, you two still managed to shine the brightest out of everyone. It was beautiful. Too bad it didn’t work out for a bit longer than that, brother.”

Derek felt his throat tighten. Laura was never one to talk about feelings. Hearing her say these things were making Derek feel things that he had thought he buried all those years ago. Turned out, he was wrong. He found himself crying. He had his head in his hands, his body shaking from withholding a full blown panic attack, and his breathing was ragged.

He felt Laura’s hands on his shoulders as she pulled him close to her. He tucked his head under her chin and cried into her shirt. She didn’t say anything. The only thing that she did was ran her hand up and down his back, and hold his head close to her chest as he cried harder than ever.

“I miss him so much,” he whispered. His voice hoarse and broken.

“I know you do. I miss him too,” Laura replied, kissing the top of his head. She tightened her hands on him. “It’s okay. I got you. Let it all out.” She kept whispering to him these things as he continued to cry.

It took him an hour to calm down enough to be able to stand up, and an hour more to get down the hill. Laura took him home that day. She didn’t say anything to him as she helped him to get into bed. The last thing he remembered was her soft lips touching his forehead for a kiss, and then he was asleep.

* * *

 

“You are a pain in my fucking ass,” Stiles shouted into Derek’s face. His cheeks were rosy from anger, his eyes ablaze with restrained madness, and Derek thought he’d never seen such a beautiful human being standing in front of him. For a moment he forgot what they were fighting about, and then Stiles pointed to his Jeep and it all came back to him. “...to do it to my car!?”

“What?” He needed to focus now because he didn’t get what Stiles was saying to him.

“What, you are blind AND deaf now too!? Are you kidding me?” said Stiles, looking at Derek incredulously.

Derek wasn’t paying attention when he was driving backwards out of his parking space, since he was typing out a message to one of his friends. If he were paying attention, he would’ve seen Stiles driving his car by. In a moment of confusion from both parties, their cars bumped into each other, and Stiles’ car being rather old, had more damage done to it, then Derek’s were. And it seemed like Stiles was on the verge of emotional breakdown over his car.

Derek rolled his eyes and tried to play it off, trying to hide his slip out. “Maybe you weren’t saying anything important.”

“Anything important?” Stiles’ eyes widened as he stared at Derek as if he’s gone mad. “Dude! You ran over my car with your billions dollar car and you’re telling me it’s nothing important?!”

“First of all, I said, ‘anything’. And second of all, it’s not billions of dollars. And third of all, look at it, I see no difference. I mean, your car is trash.”

And Derek reeled back as a fist connected with his nose. There was a collective gasps from their little audience who gathered as the two of them started fighting. Derek held on to his nose as a couple of drops of blood poured down his nose, and onto his white shirt. “What the fuck dude?” he splattered out and looked up at Stiles. He charged forward, with full intentions of hitting Stiles back, but he stopped at the last second. Something flickered in him when he stared at the state of Stiles’ emotional breakdown.

He was breathing hard, looking down at the ground, his right hand still clenched to his side. His face was blank. No emotions were playing on it, and for a moment Derek understood that this was over. This was their biggest fight that ruined everything that Derek wanted to happen. This was the end. And Derek’s insides turned numb as he stared at Stiles, who took steadying breaths and took couple of steps close to Derek.

His voice trembled with anger as he spoke low and slow to Derek. “I never want to see you, ever again. If you see me at school corridor, turn around and walk away. I don’t want to see your fucking face anywhere. Ever again. Is that clear?” Without waiting for an answer, he turned around and walked to his car. He got in, tried to start it couple of times, but to no avail. He punched the whirl with his fist, and screamed in anger at it, his eyes welled up with tears.

Derek stood there, shocked, and stared as Stiles broke down crying, still punching the whirl. After a moment, he walked quickly to Stiles’ side door, opened it and held on tight to his wrists. “Stiles, stop. Stop it. Don’t.”

But Stiles wasn’t listening. He kept yelling and trying to get away from Derek, but Derek held on tighter. “Let go of me! You fucker, let me go!” He yelled and yelled, until his voice was hoarse and high pitched. He kept crying and crying, until there was someone who pushed Derek away from Stiles.

Feeling numb, he pulled his hands away from him and stepped back. Scott was in front of him, talking to Stiles in hushed voice. Comforting him. Derek felt like his heart was breaking into pieces as he looked at Stiles’ face from afar. He looked so heartbroken, so sad, that Derek wanted to tear at his flesh to not see him this way ever again. He looked smaller somehow to his eyes. He was stuttering, and Scott was the one who was comforting him, and taking him back to reality.

“He broke it,” he heard Stiles whimper. “He broke it, and she isn’t starting. She’s gone, Scott.”

“No, Stiles, she isn’t gone. She’s gonna get fixed and she’ll be as great as a new one, okay? I promise you.”

“She’s gone,” Stiles let out a whine and slumped forward, his head resting over Scott’s shoulder, the fight leaving his body.

“I promise you she’s gonna come back to you. I promise, Stiles,” Scott’s voice held so much reassurance in them that even Derek had no doubt about it. Because somehow he knew, that when Scott promised something to Stiles, then he was going to keep his promise. That’s just the way it worked in their friendship.

Derek ran a hand over his nose, cleaning the blood as best as he could. He took a step closer to them and stopped. Scott turned around, looked at him, and shook his head. Derek nodded back. With a startled relief, he noticed that Scott’s face didn’t hold any kind of anger towards him. “Go.” Scott whispered to him, and Derek had no choice but to obey him. He nodded one more time and walked to his car.

He got in, started his car and drove off of the parking lot, everyone staring after him.

He made it home in record time that day. He probably ran over all the red lights in his dizziness. He never thought that he’d see Stiles like that. Never thought that it would come to the point of him bringing tears and so much sadness to Stiles that it’d hurt him to breathe.

Derek ran up the stairs and into his bedroom. He shut the door after him, took off his shirt and walked into his adjoined bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror and noticed that thankfully, Stiles didn’t punch him hard enough to break his nose. There was only a small cut on it, which Derek washed off. On one side it was good that it stopped bleeding. On the other side, he had to explain this to his mother. He sighed and clenched his eyes shut.

Again, this was probably the worst day of his life. How could he do that to Stiles? It was and wasn’t his fault that he scratched at Stiles’ precious “baby” of an old car. And in the moment of blind panic and no filter to mouth, he talked ill of Stiles’ car. Literally, the whole town knew how much he loved his car and would even probably die for it. And Derek saying that to his car was low for him.

There was something about it that Stiles loved and held dearly close to his heart. Derek didn’t know what it was, but it had to be something of importance or he wouldn’t have this kind of reaction for a car.

Right?

Derek sighed in frustration. He ran a hand over his face and walked out of his bathroom and into his bedroom. He changed his jeans into basketball shorts and flopped down on his bed.

Staring up at the ceiling he realized that it was Friday today and he wouldn’t be seeing Stiles until Monday, since they didn’t have any plans to hang out in the first place.

Letting out a frustrated growl he turned to his side and stared angrily at the window. It was a sunny day, to his annoyance. Angrily, he closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing. Before he knew it, he fell asleep.

* * *

 

Derek opened his eyes slowly after a few hours of sleep, feeling well rested.There was dried drool on his chin and he wiped at it in annoyance,and checked the time on his night table. It was already past seven. Groaning, he got up from the bed and went to his bathroom. He relieved himself, washed his hands and then looked up at the mirror.

Derek sighed as he saw that there was a bit of a bruising around his nose. He didn’t even realize how hard Stiles must’ve punched him. He really did deserve it.

Walking out of the bathroom, he grabbed his phone and checked his phone. Surprisingly, there was a message from Scott.

**Scott:** _hey, dude.listen ill talk 2 u at school 2morrow bout what happen k? there’s an explanation to this. stiles wnt b happy bout it but whatv._

Derek read the message two times before it made sense to him. So he replied back with a short message, that he could come over for that, and then walked out of his bedroom, and down the stairs.

Of course, everyone were at home by this time of the day, and they were all getting ready for dinner. Their dining room was big enough to hold a party of sixteen. It was decorated in brown colors and the table was made by real Oak tree. Derek loved their dining room. He found it relaxing.

“Derek, you’re awake. I was just about to get up and wake you,” Talia said, a small smile playing on her lips. The smile faded as she saw the bruise on his nose.She quickly walked to him, grabbed his chin and tilted his head to the side. “Who did this to you? Were you in a fight?”

“Mum, stop hovering over him. He is a big boy already,” Laura said as she placed mashed potatoes on the table. They were having steak and green beans as well.

Rolling his eyes, Derek gently pried her hands away from his face and sat down at the table. “I deserved it, to be honest.” Laura raised an eyebrow just as Talia gasped. She sat next to him and waited for further explanation. “It was Stiles. Stiles punched me. I scratched his car, accidently, and he got mad because I called his car a trash. He punched me, and then had a mental breakdown in his car because it wasn’t starting. Can we eat now please? I’m starving.”

They both knew better than to prod and poke at Derek for more information, because he wouldn’t give it to them. Even if it killed him later. Talia asked Laura how her day at work was, and just like that the subject of their dinner conversation had switched toLaura and her HR managing.

When they were done dining, Laura excused herself from the table and went into her bedroom. Derek sighed and started to get the dishes to the sink. He turned on the water and started cleaning them up. Talia brought the other dishes in and placed them on the counter, close to the sink.

She stood there, hip resting against the counter, arms crossed over her chest, she was waiting on Derek to talk to her. So Derek, being Derek, took his sweet ass time to even acknowledge her. He slowly washed the dishes, rinsed them, and then placed them in the dish washer.

After he was done, he started to tidy the kitchen up a bit, just to have something to do to keep himself busy. A while later, Talia sighed audibly and stopped Derek by placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Son, you do know that you can talk to me about anything you want, right? Or anything that happens in your life. I want to know it. I want you to trust me.”

“I know, mum,” Derek answered quickly. “I just… there really isn’t much to tell. I scratched his car and he got mad at me.”

Talia stared at him for a bit and then gave him a sad smile, “But there is more, isn’t there?” Leave it to mothers to know that their son was hiding something from them. Reluctantly, he nodded. “Then tell me what it is. You know I can keep it a secret.”

Derek let out a dry laugh that did nothing to dispel the growing swell in his throat. “He told me that he never wanted to see me again. I swear I didn’t know that his car meant so much to him. I don’t know what kind of story it has, because believe me, all old cars have a hidden history behind them. And he was so… _wrecked_  about it, mum. It broke my heart.”

“Oh my dear boy,” whispered Talia as she looked at his son. Derek was rarely bad at hiding his feelings behind a mask of stoicism. And today she saw through the cracks of how much the incident actually hurt him. “You grew to care for the boy.”

It wasn’t even a question. It was a blunt statement of the situation that Derek tried to avoid facing. Even if he did admit it to Stiles, once, he still had a hard time accepting it himself.

“I guess I did,” whispered Derek. He sighed and put his head in his hands. “What am I going to do now?”

“Wait until the morning. And then you’ll go to Stiles’ house, and talk to him about what happened today.”

“He won’t let me go in. That’s for sure.”

“You never know until you try it,” said Talia reassuringly. “Besides, isn’t it better if you tried to get things right for you, and not suffer over it for the rest of your life?”

She had a point, Derek concluded. “What am I supposed to do though?”

“Apologize to him, of course. Tell him that you didn’t know how much value his car has for him, and that you’d like to know what it means to him, if he wants to share it with you.”

“What if he won’t?” asked Derek, dread coloring rapidly into his voice.

Talia shrugged and smiled up at him, caressing his stubbled cheek with the back of her hand. “That’s the beauty of it. You’ll never know until you try. But I can tell you this, if he’ll share his story with you, that means that he’s forgiving you. If not, then you’ll respect his choice, tell him thank you, and come back home.”

“Well, that’s scary.”

“It is, but I’m sure, that you are willing to take that risk. For him.”

Derek stared at his mum, his beautiful, tired, mother who was always there for him. And he knew that she was right. He had to take this chance if he wanted to be with Stiles.

He wanted to be with Stiles.

The realization dawned on him as if a bucket of cold water had been dumped on him. He knew that he liked Stiles, and he wanted to spend as much time with him as he could, but knowing it and actually realizing it, were two different things.

“Ah, there it is,” Talia said, grinning up at him. “I thought it wasn’t going to get to you.”

“Mum, please,” Derek snorted and rolled his eyes. “As if you knew.”

“A mother knows when their child falls in love with someone.”

“I don’t love him,” Derek was quick to say.

“You don’t know that,” said Talia, and patted his cheek. “Now, I’m heading to my office. I have things to take care of than to talk to you about your love life.”

“I’m not in love!”  yelled Derek after his mum, as she left the kitchen.

“Okay, darling!” she yelled back, and closed the door to her office.

He wasn’t in love with Stiles. He just  _liked_  him. That’s all. He just liked him, and he thought he had beautiful and intense eyes, which had this honey colored thing to it. And he had beautiful wild hair that Derek wanted to run his hands through it. And the moles on his face and his neck… They were just begging for Dean to kiss and bite at them.

Derek shook his head and took a calming, deep breath.

He wasn’t in love with Stiles.

Was he?

* * *

 

It was around two in the afternoon, on Saturday, when there was a knock on the door. Derek placed the remote of the TV on coffee table and walked towards the front door to open it. His eyebrows rose when he saw that it was Scott, who looked like a lost puppy. Like he always did.

“Hey, Derek.”

“Scott,” replied Derek, his brow furrowing. “What are you doing here?”

“Came here to talk, actually. You said I could come here, so here I am. Mind if I come in?” said Scott, shuffling his feet awkwardly.

Derek stared at him for a moment and then shook himself out of it. Right. He did say he could come. “Yeah, sure. Come in.” He opened the door further and Scott stepped inside.

He noticed that Scott looked around himself with an impressed look on his face. Derek knew that it showed that they were wealthy, and he hoped Scott wouldn’t ogle too much and ask the dumb question of ‘are you rich or what’ because Derek wasn’t rich. His parent were.

So when Scott said, “Nice house.” Derek breathed a silent sigh of relief.

“Thanks,” he said and led the way to the living room.

He turned the volume down of the TV and sat next to Scott on the couch. “Would you like something to drink? Water? Tea?”

Scott shook his head, “Nah. Thanks. I’m actually here to talk to you about Stiles.”

At that Derek’s heart stopped beating for a second, and then it galloped to erratic beating again. Clearing his throat, he asked. “What about him?”

Shifting a bit in his seat, Scott licked his lips and said, “It’s more about his car and why he acted the way he acted.” Derek didn’t reply. “Stiles had that car since he was nine. He didn’t actually rode it, but it was his. It belonged to his mum, and when she… passed away, she gave it to him. So, in a way, Stiles has a strong connection with his car because of his mum.”

“He feels closer to her when he’s in the car,” whispered Derek, looking down at his hands in his lap.

“Yeah,” replied Scott gently. “So, you guys running into each other like that, made Stiles feel like he was tarnishing her memory in every way possible. Dude loves his car more than he loves himself.”

And just like that Derek felt like the biggest jerk in the world. “Oh fuck,” Derek groaned and placed his head in his hands. “I called his car a trash. Who does that? Oh fuck. No wonder he doesn’t want to see me again.”

“Actually,” said Scott slowly. Derek lowered his hands and looked at him. “He’s gonna kill me for saying this, but he regrets telling you that.”

“What?”

“He regrets telling you that.”

“Why? I insulted his mother’s memory, dude.”

“Yeah, you did. But knowing Stiles, you should know that he doesn’t hold a grudge for long.”

“I don’t know Stiles,” Derek quickly answered, but his heart was hammering away in his chest because of what Scott said.

“What do you mean you don’t know Stiles? You guys are spending time together all the time,” Scott said with a raised eyebrow and an incredulous look on his face. Derek shook his head and sighed.

“All we do it fight. All the time. We don’t actually have normal civilized conversations. He yells at me, I talk back to him, we argue and that’s it. No real, heartwarming, conversations are made for us,” said Derek, trying not to sound too bitter. He knew he had failed miserably.

Scott hesitated for a bit. “I know why he’s the way he is with you, but I can’t tell you much. Unless he chooses to tell you himself.”

“Yeah, you’ve been hinting on that for a while now and it’s bugging the shit out of me,” said Derek.

“I’m not gonna break this bro-code. Nope. No. Never.”

Derek sighed but didn’t push the matter. It seemed like it was something that he had to wait and find out later on. Deep down, he knew that it was something major, something that was going to end in a heartbreak or euphoria. His gut feeling never wronged him.

“So, what do you want me to do?” asked Derek looking at Scott.

“You need to go there. Tomorrow. Ask him out for a real date. Not like pizza and Harry Potter at home. I know you guys never did one of those things, but you gotta do it.”

“What if he won’t want to see me? Or go out on a date with me?”

“He will say yes. Don’t worry about it,” replied Scott with so much positivity in his voice that Derek believed him fully. He stood up from the couch and Derek did the same. “Just plan the whole thing out and then go and ask him out for a date. Because he’ll punch you in the throat if you’ll ask him what he’d like to do. He doesn’t like it.” Derek nodded. He wasn’t that stupid to ask Stiles out without actually having a plan.

* * *

 

Derek bit down on his lower lip as he contemplated on whether he should knock the door or ring the bell. Rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous habit, he rapped smartly on the door and waited. Puffing out a huff of breath, he threw his head back and waited for the door to open. Distinctly, he heard stomping footsteps, and seconds later the door flew open.

Derek quickly composed himself, because his heart was beating way faster than it had to, his hand felt clammy, and his throat was closing in on him, because Stiles looked like he just got out of the shower. His buzz cut was a bit wet, there were droplets of water on his face, and as Derek stared, a drop of water slid down Stiles’ cheek, and down to the curve of his jaw, and down his neck and down it disappeared through the t-shirt. Derek never wanted to chase something in his whole life as he did for that damned drop.

Quickly clearing his throat, Derek’s lips quirked up and said, “Hey.”

“Hi.”

Stiles’ cheeks blushed red and Derek’s mouth dried. “I, uh… I came to apologize.” Stiles didn’t say anything, but Derek noticed that he tensed a bit. “I shouldn’t have insulted you or your car, it was uncalled of. I didn’t know that your car was something that you cared about deeply. I regret saying, uhm what I said. I don’t mean any of it. Please forgive me.”

Stiles stared at him for a moment, and then shook his head. “Scott talked to you.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. Hesitantly, Derek nodded. Stiles sighed and said, “Dude, I know that I acted out, but you didn’t know what my car meant to me.”

“But I should’ve known,” insisted Derek, cutting through Stiles. “I should’ve known, but I didn’t know. And I feel bad because of it.”

“Yeah, well, we never talked about it.”

“We never talk about anything,” said Derek, looking up at Stiles’ face. “All we do is fight all the time. I don’t even know what real conversation would be like between us anymore. Hell, I don’t even know what your favorite color is.”

Stiles let out a snort at that, but he smiled at Derek. “You’ll never relax if I won’t say the words, won’t you? Fine, apology accepted.”

Derek sighed in relief and gave Stiles a smile. Feeling confident, now that the real issue was out of the way, he said, “Nice t-shirt.”

Stiles looked down at his new t-shirt. It was green and had the logo of  _Arrow_. “Thanks. I really like archery. I wish I knew how to shoot like Oliver Queen.”

“It’s a good thing that you’re wearing that T-shirt,” said Derek.

Stiles looked up at him with wide eyes, “Why is that?”

Derek only smiled and tilted his head to the side. “Go out for a date with me. Now.”

Stiles stared at him, with his mouth hanging open like a fish out of the water. After several seconds, he snapped his mouth shut and said, “Looking like this? I gotta change, dude.”

Derek reached out and took his hand in his. His heart was probably going to burst out of his chest. Stiles’ hands were cold, compared to his, and they were skinny. Derek felt like he had to protect Stiles from everything if he could. He tightened his grip on his hand, and felt the answering pressure from Stiles. His heart was seriously going to burst out of him.

“You look perfect for where we’re going to go.”

* * *

 

“We’re seriously going to do this?” asked Stiles, wide-eyed, looking at Derek as if Christmas came early this year. The weather was nice for outside activities. Derek smiled and looked down as the teacher came to prepare Stiles for the gear. “And you know how to do this, how exactly?”

“My dad used to be a teacher here. He showed me few tricks. So now, I’m going to teach you how to shoot,” replied Derek as he put on his arm guard.

“I’m so excited I’m actually going to pee in my pants,” said Stiles loudly. He blushed as the teacher gave him a look. “Sorry,” he mumbled and took the offered bow and arrow from him. “Thank you.”

“Ready?” asked Derek an amused smile tugging at his lips. Stiles nodded and almost dropped his bow. Derek snorted and led Stiles a bit away from the tent they were under for getting ready for it. They walked the small distance to the pointers and Derek stopped them at the right spot. “Right. Let’s see what you got and we can work from there on.”

Stiles’ eyes widened at that and swallowed. “Maybe you can go first and I can see what you’re doing and then I’ll do it and then you’ll tell me if it’s right or wrong.” He was bubbling. Derek felt like his heart was going to melt from the adorableness that was Stiles. He wanted nothing more than squish Stiles to his chest and never let go. And probably squee while he was at it.

With a shrug, Derek positioned himself in the right way, pointed his arrow to the hitting point and released the bow. It went straight ahead and into the center of the red point. He lowered his bow, and looked at Stiles, who was staring at him as if he was a Godsend gift to him.

After a moment of staring at each other, Derek cleared his throat and said, “Your turn.” And took a step back from where he was standing.

Stiles took a visible steadying breath and walked to where Derek pointed him to stand at. When Stiles positioned himself to shoot, Derek knew that he was going to not hit the target. And he was right. The arrow went skyward and Stiles frowned after it.

“I guess you gotta work on everything,” said Stiles looking at Derek with those honey brown eyes.

“Apparently,” replied Derek with a sigh. He took a step forward and hesitantly pointed at Stiles. “May I?”

Stiles looked at him for a moment and then slowly nodded. Heart hammering in his chest, Derek walked towards Stiles, who turned his back to Derek and stretched the bow towards the point. Derek licked his suddenly too dried lips and said, “Relax your shoulders a bit.” From Stiles’ profile, Derek could see his lips parting in a breath, and eyes fluttering shut for a moment, and then opening again. They were so close. Derek took a much needed steadying breath and continued, “Point your left arm straight up. Use your…lips as a steadying point for your arrow.”

“What?” breathed out Stiles.

“Trust me,” Derek whispered, his lips close to Stiles’ ear. He felt Stiles shuddering as he said it. Derek felt like his heart was going to burst out of him, again. He was going to be heartless pretty soon. They were standing too close to each other.

Stiles did as Derek told him to do. He relaxed his shoulders, pointed his left arm in the right way, and steadied his right arm for the arrow. He took visible relaxing breaths and let go of the string. His arrow soared through the air, fast, and then hit the target right on.

“Fucking yes!” Stiles yelled, fist pumping the air. He turned around, bumped into Derek, and froze. Derek’s smile froze on his face as he realized how close they were standing.

Stiles was breathing hard, his breathing fanning over Derek’s face. Without thinking, Derek leaned down and rested his lips over Stiles’. Few seconds later, he heard the clatter of the bow hitting the floor, and felt Stiles’ hands over his cheeks. He felt Stiles melting against him and breathing out a contented sigh out of his nose. Derek wrapped his arms around Stiles’ waist and pulled him closer to his chest.

Stiles gasped out and their lips parted, and Derek deepened the kiss.

Kissing Stiles was many things that Derek never felt before. He never realized that it would feel like this to kiss someone you are deeply attracted to. His lips felt like they were on fire, the tip of his fingers felt numb.He felt like there wasn’t enough air to breathe in, and yet, at the same time, there was enough to breathe freely. His heartbeat was slowly turning into a steady rhythm in his chest. He tightened his arms around Stiles, as he bit down on his lower lip, and slipped his tongue in inside his mouth.

Derek moaned at the renewed tastes and senses that it brought with it. At his moan, Stiles gave a full body shudder and moved his hands from Derek’s cheeks to the back of his neck, where he played with the hair. He pulled at it with one hand and caressed down his neck with the other. His hands felt like electricity on his skin, and Derek realized that he truly loved Stiles, and that he never wanted to stop kissing him.

After a while their lips disconnected with a wet sound, and rested their foreheads against each other.

“I don’t… I just… I can’t form words,” said Stiles hoarsely. He chuckled and nuzzled Derek’s nose with his.

“I’ve never seen you speechless before. It’s unnerving,” replied Derek with a small chuckle. His eyes felt heavy and he closed them cherishing this small moment and etching them into his mind.

“Did you see how I hit the target?” whispered Stiles, for the lack of things to say.

“I did,” replied Derek, pecking at the corner of his lips. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you,” said Stiles blushing prettily. Derek leaned in and kissed his cheek, which made Stiles to blush harder.

“You’re going to be my prom date, right?” asked Derek as he pulled back slightly to look at Stiles’ face.

Stiles nodded, a full-blown grin on his face. “Of course I am. I don’t think I could ever say no to you. You’re too gorgeous for a no.”

Derek laughed at that. “You are a weird guy, Stiles Stilinski.”

“I know, it keeps me awake at night,” said Stiles with a serious face. Derek shook his head and then looked down. Stiles leaned up and kissed the top of his head.

“I need to ask you something,” said Derek looking up. Stiles ran the back of his hand on Derek’s cheek. His thumb grazing over his lower lip. Derek caught the tip of his thumb in his mouth and lightly sucked on it. Stiles’ eyes glazed over as he stared at Derek’s mouth. Secretly, Derek felt proud of himself for getting the reaction he was aiming for.

“Uh… what question,” choked out Stiles as Derek released his thumb with a wet sound.

“I know this’ll sound cliché, but… I want you to go to somewhere…private with me. After prom. Or during it. Or whenever you want,” said Derek. He was feeling a bit nervous about it now, because he wasn’t sure how Stiles was going to react to this.

Stiles stared at him for a moment, and then he threw himself at Derek and hugged him tightly. Derek’s eyes closed as Stiles kept whispering ‘yes, yes, yes,’ over and over again. Derek hugged him tighter to his chest. He had a great feeling about their prom night.

“You wanna go?”

“Of course I wanna go,” came the muffled reply from Stiles. He had his face tucked under Derek’s neck. At first Derek help back a shiver. It was his weakest spot.

When Stiles ran his lips over Derek’s pulse point, Derek in return, tugged Stiles closer to him. His hands clenched roughly on Stiles’ hips, and he let out a hiss from between his lips. The reaction was something that couldn’t have been ignored, since Stiles being, well, Stiles, he ran his lips over his neck again and this time Derek did let out a grunt, which made him blush deeper.

“Weak spot?” whispered Stiles, as he glided the tip of his tongue from his pulse point to his earlobe.

Derek shivered and whispered roughly, “You have no idea.”

Stiles lightly bit down on his earlobe and Derek let out a bit louder moan. Stiles pulled back. A sweet satisfied smile was tugging at the corner of his lips. He bit down on is lower lip and took a step back, and said, “Now, I do.”

And he turned around and walked back to the tent. Derek had to take several steadying breaths to get himself under control, and then, he followed after Stiles, after grabbing their bows and arrows from the ground. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

 

“Well, that was vivid,” said Katherine with raised eyebrows, as she wrote something on her paper.

Derek blushed and ran a hand over his face. “Sorry. I just… it’s impossible to forget the first time you kiss the love of your life, you know?”

Katherine nodded, “Oh yes, of course. I still remember mine with my husband. Let’s just say, there was never a kiss like that in my whole life. After every time we kiss, I keep remembering our first time, and I think to myself that it’ll never be as good as the first one, but it’ll never get less then what we have going on.”

Derek smiled at her, but then it slipped down from his lips. “I wonder what we’d be like today… It’s weird, isn’t it? These memories. I haven’t thought of them, or even remembered them in the last years. And yet, right here and now, when I talk to you about them, I feel like I just lived the whole thing yesterday.”

“Great memories are hard to forget, Derek. It’s normal to be this way. Trust me.”

Derek nodded. “Yeah… I know. It’s just… It’s unnerving how my memories didn’t fail me. I thought I’ve forgotten everything, but here I am.”

“Here you are,” Katherine looked at the clock then and sighed. “I wish we could chat more, but…”

“It’s time,” Derek nodded again. “I understand.”

“Until next time?”

“Yes. I’ll be here in time. I gotta tell you all about the prom… do you need to hear the whole thing, or should I leave out some details?”

“You can tell me everything and nothing at the same time. It’s your choice, Derek. You choose to talk about whatever you want.”

He nodded and stood up. “I’ll see you in a week. Until then, I’ll probably decide how much I should tell.”

“Of course. Good bye, for now, Derek,” replied Katherine as Derek turned and left the office. He felt a bit lighter than he did a week before. He hoped he’d feel this way after he’d tell the whole story to her. That’s all he had right now; a hope for getting better after these conversations.

He also hoped he’d be strong enough to live after that.

* * *

 

“How’re the sessions going?”

Derek has been on the phone with his mom for almost an hour now. They talked about everything. Well, she talked about everything, while Derek just hummed and agreed with her. They hadn’t talked about his therapy, until now. It was inevitable, really. Derek couldn’t think of anything else to ask her, so she’d not remember it. But his mom had a perfect memory, so here he was. Not being able to avoid the unavoidable.

Derek sighed, “Yeah. It’s fine. We talk and stuff.”

“Of course you talk. I just wanted to make sure that you’re getting to a better place and not wasting your time on these things.”

Derek forced a laugh out of him. “Nah. It’s… I’m getting better. Slowly, but yeah. I’ll-I’ll get there some day, mom. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not worried, son. I’m just…”

“Worried. Yes. But I’m fine. Really. You can ask Laura. She can confirm it.”

“I do talk to Laura on daily basis.”

“Of course you do,” Derek sighed and scratched the back of his neck. From the way she said it, she knew he wasn’t being completely honest with her. Honestly, he didn’t even have it in him to tell her everything. She was going to worry more, and she was going to demand of him to go back home. But he didn’t want to. He liked it in Beacon Hills, and he had the best memories of him and Stiles in here. He was not going to leave this town. “I just need you to understand that this is who I am right now. I am slowly getting better. And yes, I realize that it’s been years. But… I don’t know, mum. It’s like you not being able to let go of dad and the memories you had with him. Only, you can hide it better from us, then I can from you. I just need you to let me set the pace, as fast as I possibly can.”

After a moment of silence, Talia sighed and changed the subject. Derek, feeling relieved, continued chatting with her. It took his mom about thirty more minutes to stop talking about things that Derek couldn’t even convince himself to care about. She made Derek promise that he’d call her more from now on. Derek agreed just to get off the phone.

He cracked his neck when he placed the phone on the counter. It was almost time for him to get ready for bed. He went to the bathroom and took a quick shower. When he was done, he brushed his teeth and stared at himself in the mirror.

For someone so young, he looked tired. There were deep and dark circles under his eyes. He turned his head to the side and noticed some graying hair. It was weird. He was still young, and yet, all of a sudden; he felt old. He sighed, shut the faucet, and walked out of the bathroom. He got into his bed and closed his eyes, releasing a sigh.

He was deep into a slumber when he felt the same presence like he did few days ago. The presence brought with itself warmth and peacefulness that Derek had missed for years. It was comfortable and yet, it felt wrong. Derek couldn’t really put a finger on it, but it felt wrong, somehow. Like, it shouldn’t be there, but it was there. And Derek should be feeling freaked out about it, but he wasn’t. Instead, he felt content. After some time, exhaustionpulled him back into sleep, and when he woke up the next morning, he didn’t remember how he went to sleep.

**\--------**

The next morning when he woke up, he felt at peace. It was rare for him to feel this calm in the mornings, but… he wasn’t going to jinx it. He did his morning routine mechanically. As much as he felt calm, there was a nagging feeling at the back of his neck that he couldn’t scratch off.

By the time he changed his clothes, and got out of his apartment, he was feeling irritated at everything. Feeling angry, for some reason, he walked down two blocks from his building, to a small coffee shop they had at the corner. The place served hot coffee and gave muffins for free with them till 10 a.m.

Derek found out about them few months ago when he was out scrolling through the streets at night. At the time, he decided to get something to eat, when he walked through the doors of this place and he never wanted to leave.

The place in itself wasn’t big, or anything fancy. It had that homely feeling to it, and everything that they had was delicious. It was owned by two elderly people who were in the business for more than 30 years.

The barista greeted him with a smile and asked him if he wanted his usual. Derek smiled at her and nodded, thanking her. The irritated feeling was leaving him now, slowly, until it crept up his back like tiny little ants.

There was a new flavored cupcakes on the display. They’d have something new every few weeks, but this one caught his eye for a reason. The cupcake in itself looked cute, if Derek was true to himself. But what made him want to scream at the top of his lungs and collapse on the floor and never move ever again, was the miniature baby blue Jeep on top of the cupcake.

It looked exactly like Stiles’ Jeep.

It was getting harder to breathe in his lovely little café, and he took several steps backwards. The barista looked at him, and she said something, but he didn’t hear what she was saying. He knew that all he had to do was get the hell out of here before he embarrassed himself in front of the patrons.

Once outside, he took several steadying breathes, trying to keep himself calm and in check.

It had been a long time since he had seen that Jeep. He clearly remembered the day when he got the car fixed for Stiles. The pure excitement that he’d seen on Stiles’ face that day was worth all the punches he’d get.

After what happened, Derek did everything he could to avoid everything that reminded him of Stiles. He didn’t have a single picture of him in his possession, his mom made sure of that. Whatever clothing, or knick knacks he had when he was with Stiles, they were all replaced by something else.

He didn’t have anything to connect him with Stiles. At all. The only thing was, was his heart.

Derek closed his eyes, and breathed in slowly, and let it all out in one gush of air. He wasn’t sure that he was stable enough to go back in. So instead, he turned around, and walked back home, without getting his coffee.

He just hoped that the barista wasn’t going to get to annoyed at him for not buying anything. 

* * *

 

“Prom? You want to talk about…prom?” asked Katherine with a small amused smile on her face.

“Yes, I do,” said Derek sitting down on his usual spot on the sofa.He picked up his favorite pillow and placed it on his lap. He started to fiddle with it for a bit and then gave up and clasped his hands in front of him.

Katherine raised her eyebrows at him, and shifted a bit in her sit. “Why prom?”

Derek shrugged. “Because that’s where I was going with my story? And that’s the reason why Stiles and I started our little relationship in the first place.”

Katherine looked at Derek for a moment, and then slowly nodded. “I see… Well, if you’re ready. Go right ahead.”

“Can I ask something first?” asked Derek, frowning a bit. He was nervous to go to that part of his life, because that’s when everything was beautiful until it wasn’t.

“Of course. Go ahead.”

“There’s… I don’t want to leave out any details when I tell you this.”

“You know that you can talk about anything you want, Derek.”

Derek nodded and fiddled with the pillow. It was a hard part of his life that he didn’t want toeven think about. After all these years he still remembered everything that happened, and yet, he couldn’t think about it without wanting to cry himself into oblivion.

He closed his eyes, took several deep steadying breathes, and opened his eyes. “Okay,” he said.

* * *

 

“Mom!” Derek yelled out from his bedroom for his mom. “Mom, I can’t figure this thing out on my own.”

“I’m coming. Just, one second,” Talia’s voice floated through the corridor between his and Laura’s bedrooms.

Derek stared at himself in the mirror, to his half-dressed, erratic state and barely managed to control himself from having a mental breakdown. He ran a hand through his hair out of nervousness, and walked out of his bedroom to Laura’s bedroom. His mom was doing his sister’s hair, and she looked beautiful in a slim cut lilac dress. She had an office gala to attend to.

“You look beautiful Laura,” said Derek sincerely. Laura smiled at him through the mirror, and Derek gave her a small smile back. He then turned his attention to his mom. “Mom, come on, I’m gonna be late to pick him up and then he’ll complain all the way to school. Just…”

“Okay, okay. I’m done here,” Talia said as she ran her hand through Laura’s hair few times. She turned around and walked to Derek. She picked up his tie and smiled at him. “You never grasped how to do this.”

Derek shrugged, “Lucky for me, you know how to do it. I won’t have to worry about anything.”

“Lucky for you,  _now._  I won’t be around for much longer.”

Derek rolled his eyes and took a step back as his mom was done with his tie. Laura came to stand by him. She smirked up at him and gave a nod. He guessed that it was a thumbs up from her. He was wearing a tight fitting black suit, with white shirt, and a black slim tie. He knew that he looked good, but getting a bit of a praise from his family, was a great boost to his ego.

“Oh my dear baby boy is all grown up now,” Talia said and her eyes filled up with tears.

“Ugh, mum. Stop crying, okay? I don’t wanna get emotional over prom. Out of all the things to get emotional over. He’s just graduating and then he’ll be out of here in no time,” Laura rolled her eyes and gave her mum a single armed hug.

“Pictures!”

Derek flinched as she practically yelled out and run to her bedroom to get their camera. “I better get going or she’ll force me into taking pics as well.”

“Don’t you dare leave me alone to deal with her!”

“Bye Laura, see you tomorrow. Have fun at the gala.” said Derek as he dashed out of the bedroom and down the stairs, just as their mom walked out of her bedroom.

He got to Stiles’ house in record time. He fixed his hair in the rearview mirror, took a deep steadying breath and got out of the car. Sheriff’s car was parked outside, indicating that he was home. Derek’s nerves skyrocketed at that, but he kept himself in check. It wasn’t like he was gonna get killed just because he was taking his son to the prom, right? Right.

Fixing his tie one more time, he raised his hand, and knocked. After several seconds of silence, he heard some footsteps and the door opened. In front of him stood the sheriff. Good thing was, he wasn’t in his uniform. Bad thing was, he had a deep frown on his face.

“Hello, sir. I’m Derek. Derek Hale. I came here to take Stiles to prom,” Derek prided himself on not stuttering over his words.

“I know who you are,” The sheriff said and stared at him. “Well, come on in then. Stiles is getting ready. He’ll be down in no time.”

Releasing a small relieved breath, he stepped inside and waited in the corridor. The sheriff was still staring at him and Derek started to think that he had a toothpaste on his lip or something, which he forgot to wipe. “You know, you look like your father. I knew him. Great man.”

Well, that was an unexpected thing to say and Derek felt himself relaxing. As much as he missed his dad, talking about him was never a hard topic. And the sheriff saying that was a compliment in itself.

“Thank you,” he said and nodded.

After that, it was as awkward as it could get. Derek always felt uncomfortable in awkward situations. He shuffled his feet and stared at the pictures on the walls. Anything to keep his mind busy.

“Stiles told me that you invited him some place after prom.”

“Yes, sir,” and tried hard not to blush. Because, seriously? The word awkward wasn’t enough to cover this.

The sheriff sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I know what happens on prom nights, I was a teen like you back in the day. I just want you guys to be careful and safe, okay?”

Derek was definitely blushing like a freakin’ virgin right now, so all he could do was nod. The sheriff nodded at him, clearly uncomfortable as well. “Bring him home, by midnight, yeah?”

“Yes, sir,” Derek said, his face red with embarrassment.

When the sheriff left to the kitchen, Derek wanted nothing more than to grab Stiles and run out of the house. He rubbed a hand over his face and then froze as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. He looked up and felt his insides go nuts, literally.

Stiles looked beautiful. There was no other word to describe him. He was wearing a bit looser suit then what Derek had on him, and it was in brown color, but he looked dashing to Derek. His buzzcut was freshly trimmed. He walked down the stairs, with a small smile on his lips. He stood before Derek and raised his eyebrows.

“Well?” he asked, and it took Derek several minutes to know how function.

“You look beautiful,” Derek breathed out and took a step closer. Up this close, he noticed that Stiles had dark circled under his eyes, and he looked tired. For a second, he felt worried, but Stiles looked like this for the last couple of days, so he tried to not let it get to him too much.

“I, uh, I had this thing lying around in the closet for some time now, but thanks,” Stiles said with a smile. “You look handsome as well.”

Derek didn’t reply. Instead he grabbed Stiles’ cheeks and pulled him close. He kissed him on the lips, softly, and then pulled back. Stiles had his eyes close, and his lips were puckered out. Derek chuckled at his expression, just as Stiles opened his eyes. He blushed and looked down.

“Ready to go?” Derek asked.

“Yeah. I just need to say to my dad-“

“I’m here.” Both of the boys jumped apart at his voice and Stiles whirled around to stare at his dad.

“How long have you been here?” asked Stiles.

“Long enough to see something that I didn’t need to witness,” he replied, with a discomforted look on his face.

Stiles groaned and slapped a hand over his eyes. “You’re never gonna let me live this down, are you?”

“Nope. Can’t say I can,” said the sheriff with a shrug. “Have fun at the prom, and don’t be late.”

“Yeah, yeah,” replied Stiles, hugging his dad. Derek felt a pang in his chest, but he ignored it. The sheriff whispered something in Stiles ear, to which Stiles nodded. The worry lines on his face disappeared a bit and Derek briefly thought what it was about. But he forgot about it the second Stiles turned around, with a big smile on his face.

Derek didn’t think that he’d get tired of seeing that face his whole life.

* * *

 

The prom was being held at the school, at the gym. The whole room was decorated, and they had disco lights all over the place. Overall, it looked nothing like their gym.

They’d been here for two hours already, and they were both sweaty and dancing as if their life depended on it. Their group of friends were dancing with them too, and Derek noticed not for the first time, how Lydia Martin was eyeing him and Stiles as they danced in close proximity. And not for the first time, he got the feeling that she knew something that he didn’t know. If he really thought about it, there was a real chance that he didn’t know what was happening. But then he felt Stiles’ lips against his neck and he stopped thinking at all.

Stiles had been dancing pretty closely to him for the past hour. Close, as in, his whole body was lined up perfectly with Stiles, their breaths were mingling together, and if Stiles as much as moved his head a bit, he’d get his lips on Derek’s neck. Like he did right now. Derek grabbed him by the waist and pulled him in closer. He had a restrained desire at the pit of his stomach that wouldn’t go away.

“You wanna get out of here?” whispered Stiles, his lips brushing at Derek’s earlobe, making him shake from head to toe.

“Yes,” he breathed and kissed Stiles’ temple.

“I gotta say bye to Scott, so I’ll see you outside by your car?” asked Stiles as he took a step back. Derek gave him a nod.

He went to his friends, bid them a goodnight and walked to his car. It didn’t take Stiles long to get to Derek. He had a radiant smile on his face as he stepped close and wrapped his arms around Derek’s neck and kissed him on the lips. Derek wrapped his arms around Stiles’ waist automatically, and pulled him closer to his chest. Their lips were soft on each other, nothing too deep, but he could feel Stiles’ own desire on his hip. Derek shuddered at that.

Stiles pulled back and licked his lips, “So, where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see,” said Derek, kissing him on the lips one more time, and pulled back. “Get in the car.”  


* * *

 

When they got there Stiles was looking up at the building, with his mouth open. “What exactly are we doing here? I just hope you didn’t rent an apartment in this building just for this, dude, because seriously? I’d think that there was something wrong with your head. We could go to a hotel or something, if that was the case. Even the back of your car would do. Okay, no it wouldn’t, because my arm won’t even fit there, but this is ridiculous.”

“It’s my apartment.”

“What?”

“I have an apartment. In this building. My mom’s graduation gift to me.”

Stiles’ whipped his head down and looked at Derek with wonder in his eyes. “You got an apartment as a graduation gift? Really?”

“Well, technically, she didn’t buy it for me. It was in my dad’s will to give this to me as a gift when I graduate from high school. So, here I am,” said Derek shrugging.

Stiles stared at him for a moment, then reached out and took his hand in his. “Show me.”

The apartment in itself wasn’t big. It had a bedroom, bathroom, a kitchen and living room combined together. It was fully furnished and all Derek had to do was move in. Stiles was looking around the kitchen when Derek crowded him against the counter and kissed him roughly on the lips. He pulled back and had a smug moment when Stiles chased after his lips.

“Do you like it in here?” asked Derek licking his lips, and shivering at the taste on his lips.

“Yes. It’s very pretty in here. Are you all moved in?”

Derek shook his head, “No. Not yet. But I will, soon.”

“That’s so awesome dude. You can have your own privacy and do stuff here that nobody will know about. Who did you show this place to? Does anyone else know about it?”

“No, you’re the first person I showed this place to.”

“Can we fuck?” Stiles’ question threw Derek off so much that he had to close his eyes and rest his forehead against Stiles’ shoulder. It was part of what Derek had in mind, but hearing Stiles’ put it that bluntly had him scrambling for breath. And it wasn’t helping that Stiles was licking at his jawline, and tickling his beard on his way to his ear. His breath was hot on his ear when he whispered, “I want you to fuck me, Derek. Please.”

Derek let out a low moan. He took Stiles by his hand and dragged him towards his bedroom. Stiles let out a small giggle at first and then jumped on Derek’s back. Derek rolled his eyes, but he secured his arms around Stiles’ legs. Which felt skinny as well. Something tugged at Derek’s inside, but once again he got distracted as Stiles pulled back his shirt’s neck and lick at the back of his neck.

Derek quickly opened his bedroom door and dropped Stiles on his bed. Stiles opened his legs wide for Derek to settle himself over him and caught his lips in a brutal kiss. They never been this close to each other before. The only thing that they did was kiss each other roughly in school’s locker rooms and then go home after that. So, now, this was a new thing for both of them and they were being extremely feverish over it.

Derek sucked and bit his way down Stiles neck, just as Stiles did a quick job of unbuttoning his shirt. Derek took his jacket off and tugged at Stiles’s jacket. Stiles sit up so quickly that he headbutted him on Derek’s chin. “Ouch.”

“Are you okay?” asked Derek as he kneeled up in front of Stiles. He kissed his forehead several times and Stiles laughed under his breath.

“Yes, yes. I’m great,” and the way Stiles said it, it made Derek pause and look at Stiles. His eyes were lust filled and had a glint of amusement to them.

After that, it seemed like they slowed down a bit. Derek undid Stiles’ buttons slowly, while Stiles finished doing his. He was the first one to get rid of his shirt, and basked in the glory of Stiles’ hands and lips over his chest. It felt like Stiles wanted to remember how Derek’s skin felt over his lips. And Derek was okay with that, as long as he could still feel Stiles’ lips over him. He was good.

Very good.

And at that moment he realized that he had deeper feelings then he originally thought he had.

He swallowed thickly, and rubbed his hand at the back of Stiles’ neck. Stiles licked and kissed his way down to Derek’s navel, dipped his tongue into Derek’s bellybutton and started working on unbuttoning his pants. He squeezed Derek’s ass as he pulled them down and under it. Derek stood up from the bed and got his legs out of his pants, shoes and socks. Stiles got rid of his shoes and socks as well.

Stiles stared at him for a moment, his eyes glued at the tented underwear that Derek was wearing. His eyes traveled up Derek’s chest, and he licked his lips. Derek knew that he was well toned, but he was starting to feel self-conscious about it. He was naked, and Stiles wasn’t. And Derek was very well aware of Stiles’ chest picking out of his half-way unbutton shirt.

Derek stepped closer to the bed and run the back of his hand down his neck, and chest. He started to continue his work when Stiles’ grabbed his hands. Stopping him. Derek looked up at Stiles’ face and he looked distressed. Derek frowned.

“Everything okay?”

Stiles nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I just… I wanted to tell you, that…. uhm. I’m… I’ve never been with anyone else before, not like you didn’t know this already, but yeah. Uh… and I’m really skinny. Like, very, very skinny,” Stiles was bubbling, and he was flailing his arms around in a nervous gesture.

Derek’s frown deepened, but he leaned closer to Stiles and kissed him on the lips. “I don’t care.”

He pulled back and stared at Stiles, “I don’t care that you’re skinny, or that you have a third nipple.”

“I don’t have a third nipple,” Stiles mumbled.

“All I care about is  _you_. I want you, Stiles. Simple as that. I don’t care about anything else. I just know that I want you, and that if I won’t have you now, I’ll probably die of blue balls.”

“You do know that technically nobody can die of blue balls, right? Scientifically speaki-“ And Derek shut him off with a rough kiss.

Stiles let out a guttural moan at that, his back snapping up in pleasure as he kissed Derek back. Derek finished with his unbuttoning, finally, and pulled Stiles’ shirt off of him. He pulled back for a second and to look at what Stiles meant, and he wasn’t disappointed at all. If anything, it made him feel hornier. Derek dipped down and kissed and bit and licked his way all over Stiles’ chest. He was rewarded by Stiles’ enthusiastic cursing and arching his back towards his lips. Derek didn’t waste time to do his pants and get it and Stiles’ underwear off of him. He pushed Stiles up the bed and this is when he pulled back to stare down at Stiles.

Yes, he was thin, but he still looked beautiful to Derek’s eyes. His cock stood straight and proud, nestling against a skinned trimmed hair, to which Derek hadn’t realized he was into until now. His own cock gave an interested thump.

He ran his hands up and down Stiles’ thighs and felt them shiver under his hands. He pushed Stiles’ legs open and glided his right hand over his inner thigh and on his balls. He grabbed them in his hand and gave it a squeeze. He was answered by Stiles’ loud groan. Stiles threw his head back and hit the pillow.

Derek played with them with his hand a bit, and felt Stiles’ hips move in aborted thrusts. Derek next grabbed his cock with his left hand and Stiles buckled up from the mattress. Derek steadied him with his forearms on his thighs, and moved his hand up and down his length. His cock wasn’t thick, but it was slim and so hard that Derek had to get him in his mouth. So without warning, he did just that.

“Oh,  _fuck,_ ” Stiles groaned out and Derek felt him grab roughly at his hair and move his hips up into his mouth. Derek relaxed his throat to Stiles’ thrusts, and that made Stiles get a bit more colorful with his swearwords. Derek never had a gag reflex before, so it was easy for him to let Stiles fuck himself into his mouth. He shivered as Stiles’ thrusts turned rougher and harder, and he tugged at his hair. “I’m close, I’m close, I’m c-close…”

He kept chanting with his moves, and Derek had to hold his dick to not come in his underwear. Stiles was crying loudly, by the time he was close to his orgasm. “I want you to fuck me,” he hissed, looking down at Derek. His eyes were wild, full blown arousal turning his honey-brown eyes into almost black. “I want you to fuck me so  _hard. Oh shit._ ”

Derek moaned his agreement around his cock, and with just one more thrust, Stiles was coming fast down Derek’s throat. Some of them spilled out his mouth, while he swallowed parts of it. With an exhale he pulled out and took off his underwear. He throat felt sore and used, but he welcomed the feeling. He moved up Stiles’ body, noting how he was staring up at the ceiling, chest heaving with unsteady breaths. His face was covered with sweat.

Derek reached up to the nightstand, opened the drawer and pulled out the condom and the lube. He placed them close to Stiles’ hips and kissed Stiles on the lips. He wanted it to be slow and sweet, but Stiles grabbed the back of his neck, wrapped his legs around Derek’s waist and pulled him down over his body. They both shivered at the naked skin on skin feeling, and Derek felt like Stiles wanted to suck Derek’s tongue out of his mouth. He was breathing so hard, and his heart was beating so fast that Derek tried to slow them down, but Stiles was having none of that.

He bit down on Derek’s lower lip, and tongued his way into Derek’s mouth, exploring. All Derek had to do was to reply to his lips moves, and wait for him to come down from his high. It took Stiles about 5 minutes to release his death grip over Derek and slow down his kissing to pull back a bit and breathe. Derek rested his forehead against Stiles’ cheek, since he couldn’t move because of how hard Stiles was holding him on.

“You know, for someone who’s this skinny, you have the strongest death grip I have ever felt on me,” Derek whispered, and left a small kiss on his cheek.

“You are wonderful. And amazing. And awesome. And-and…” he didn’t finish his sentence, but he turned his head towards Derek and kissed him again. When he pulled back, his eyes were filled with tears and Derek started to panic.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you? I’m so-“

“No,” Stiles kissed him again. “No. You didn’t hurt me at all. I just want you to fuck me now. Please.”

“Are you sure?” As much as Derek wanted to be buried deep inside Stiles’ body, he was still concerned for Stiles’ tears.

“I’m positive. I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t sure,” he said and moved his hips up against Derek’s, and Derek felt just how sure he was.

“So soon? Really?”

“Dude, I’m a teenage guy. You think I wouldn’t get hard again so soon after mindblowing orgasm? Pfft.”

Derek chuckled at that. He tried to get up, but Stiles still had his arms around him. “Stiles, let me get up to prep you.”

“Do you have to? I like you here, this close to me.” As he said it, he ran a single finger up and down Derek’s spine.

Derek’s weak spot was his spine, and it seemed like Stiles found out about, but how, he didn’t know.

“I won’t be able to prep you like this if I won’t  _see_  what I’m dealing with.”

Stiles pushed him back fast and spread his legs as wide as he could. Derek laughed at that and sat back on his legs. He grabbed the lube, coated his fingers with them, and just went for it.

At first there was a resistance from Stiles, but with small prodding here and there, he managed to slip in his finger. He was tight, too tight, which made Derek to stop for a second and just breathe through his mouth to control himself. And then he started to move his finger in and out of him. Stiles’ breathing picked up after that and Derek watched as he reached up to grab on the headboard and closed his eyes in pleasure. When he was loose enough Derek slipped in a second finger, and Stiles buckled up.

Derek held him down with his free hand and scissored his fingers inside Stiles. “Fuck,” he whispered as Stiles started to fuck himself over Derek’s fingers.

Few thrusts later, Stiles was mumbling for more, and Derek couldn’t say no to that, so he added more lube on his fingers, and started to move his fingers in and out of his hole. By the time Stiles was ready to take Derek in, they were both sweating and breathing so hard that Derek was sure that his neighbors knew exactly what was happening.

Derek pulled his fingers out of Stiles’ hole and grabbed the condom. He was about to put it on when Stiles grabbed his forearm and stopped him. “I don’t want you to.”

Derek’s mind scrambled to a stop. “What?”

“I don’t want you to. I want to feel  _you_. Holly. I know what I’m saying. Safe sex is important, yes, but I want to feel you directly.”

“Aren’t you afraid that I-?”

“No.” And his voice had a final tone to it.

Derek hesitated at first. Of course he did. His mother, as embarrassing as it was, made sure that her kids knew all about safe sex. All his instincts were telling him not to do it, but… it was Stiles. The wonderfully annoying kid that he wanted to have all to himself.

He placed the condom to the bedside table, grabbed the lube, and lubed himself up. Stiles fell back on the bed and spread his legs wider.

“Give me that pillow,” asked Derek, and his voice sounded wrecked now.

Stiles gave him the spare pillow by his head, and Derek placed it under his ass. Shuffling closer, he placed one hand on Stiles’ hip, and grabbed his dick with the other. He slowly eased himself into Stiles and had to restrain himself to not actually thrust hard and fast into Stiles, because  _fuck_ nothing has prepared him for this feeling.

When he bottom out, he realized that he probably blacked out for a second, because that’s when he realized that he was growling like crazy. And Stiles’ hands were on his ass, urging him forward as if his life depended on it.

“Yeah, my orgasm depends on it, dude. Stop mumbling and start fucking me as if this is your last day on Earth. Don’t think I’m some delic- _holy fucking shitballs_.”

Derek didn’t let him to finish that sentence because he grabbed Stiles’ hips and moved his hips in brutal fast pace into him. He was sure that Stiles’ head was hitting the headboard, and he was sure that his muscles were going to protest in the morning, and he was positive that his dick was forever broken for anyone else, but right now, he didn’t care at all. Right now, all that mattered to him was the tight heat that was around his dick. He distantly heard Stiles saying something, but he was sure that it wasn’t the words ‘stop’. It was more encouraging then anything. And he gave Stiles more.

He leaned closer to Stiles face and they kissed filthily. Their saliva was running down their chins but they didn’t care. Derek licked at Stiles’ temple when he noticed the sweat gathering there. And it spurred him on for the last act of ten seconds of thrusts into Stiles’ lithe body.

He came with a shout, Stiles right after him, and slumped over Stiles body. His breathing was almost hysterical to his own ears and he stared at Stiles’ face in wonder. He never felt anything like this before. He never had such a powerful orgasm ripping out of him.

After a moment of numbness, he felt Stiles’ hands running up and down his back in soothing motions, and Derek hoisted himself up on his elbows, and slowly pulled back. He laid down on his back with a groan, and Stiles scooted close to him. Derek wrapped his arm around him and pulled him tighter to his side. He kissed the top of Stiles’ head and let out a contented sigh.

“Well, that wasn’t amazing at all.”

Derek snorted at that and squeezed Stiles’ arm. “We should shower before I take you home.”

“Wow, you’re such a romantic Derek. No need to let ourselves bask in the glory that is post-epic-orgasm hue.”

“I didn’t say that we are going to leave right now,” Derek said with an eye roll.

Stiles kissed his chest and snuggled in closer. “Just don’t fall asleep,” he mumbled, just as Derek closed his eyes.

“You too.”

“Okay, maybe for an hour, and then we can get up.”

“Hmm….”

They fell asleep for an hour and a half. And when they woke up they had to scramble up to get ready to leave. The come stains on their body dried, and they did complain about it, but they didn’t have time to grab a quick shower. They did share a heated kiss at the front door of the apartment before they had to leave.

Derek drove him home in record time, and they kissed again in the car. Stiles bit down on Derek’s lower lip, and Derek sucked another hickey on his chest. They hadn’t realize that they did leave hickeys on each other’s bodies. They were pretty out of it, it seemed.

Derek watched as Stiles ran to his house, but before he went inside, he turned around looked at Derek, and there was something sad about the way he waved and blew a kiss to Derek.

It was as if he was saying good bye, not only for tonight.

* * *

 

“And it wasn’t. I didn’t see him for days after that night. I tried contacting Scott, Lydia, even his dad. But nobody gave me any answers.”

Katherine wasn’t surprised by the detailed descriptions that Derek went through. She had heard enough of things in her years as a therapist notto cringe at the words that would come out of Derek during his tale.

“And did you find out why it was?”

Derek nodded, and stood up. “Yeah. But my time is up, and I don’t think I can sit through that now.”

“Of course, Derek. We can talk about it next time you visit?” asked Katherine, standing up as well.

“Yes. Have a nice day, Katherine,” he said, and walked out of the office. 

Katherine stared at the closed door for a few minutes. She worried about him, a lot. She wasn’t sure how he handled himself for all these years. Keeping all these moments to himself and these painful memories, and never talking to anyone about them was hard, it seemed. But he was coming out of that shell, day by day, but she wasn’t sure if he was going to survive after it. Katherine hoped that he was stronger than he actually looked.

* * *

 

The sun was hot at the back of his neck as Derek hiked up the mountain. He was sweating so bad that he couldn’t see clear in front of him. He wiped at his forehead with the back of his hand and took several deep breaths to get his breathing back to normal. He could practically hear the frantic beating of his heart in his chest. He was a few meters away from the top. He had to get there before sunset. The view was breathtaking and he had to see it before tomorrow’s therapy.

It took him about thirty minutes to get there, but he did. He was soaked through his t-shirt from sweat, but he didn’t care. He gulped down the rest of his water, sat down, and stared at the view in front of him.

Just as he thought, the view was breathtaking. The sun was shining atop of the several buildings and houses of Beacon Hills, making them glow and look warm under it. Derek laid back on his elbows and closed his eyes. The sun was hot on his face, but he could feel it going down. He needed to move soon before it would get darker, but he wasn’t ready to leave this place yet.

Tomorrow, he was going back to therapy. He was going to talk about the last few months he had spent with Stiles. It was going to be harder than the last few sessions he had. But he had to talk about it. Eventually.

It took him few hours to get him back home. His hike back down was filled with racing thoughts, but he didn’t feel threatened by them. He was at peace.

After getting his laundry done, he grabbed the remote of the TV and surfed the channels. He needed something mindless so he could fall asleep easily. On one of the channels, they were showing Friends, so he left it at that and got more comfortable on the couch.

When he woke up, it was already morning and his neck hurt a lot. He fell asleep on the couch in an awkward position. He turned off the TV and cracked his neck, several times. He checked the time on his phone and it was already afternoon. And he had several texts from his mom and sister. They were both asking how he was. So he replied with an ‘okay’ and got off the couch.

Derek took a quick shower and then made himself some coffee. While the coffee brewed he got dressed to go out. He wore gray Henley shirt with black jeans which hugged his legs snuggly. After he had gotten dressed he drunk his coffeewhile he checked his emails. When he was done, he went outside. Comparing today’s weather to yesterday’s it was completely the opposite of that. There was a slightly cooler wind in the air which made Derek shiver a bit, but he composed himself and walked towards the parking lot to his car.

The drive to his therapist was quiet. Which made Derek’s brain and thoughts to calm down considerably. On his way, it started to storm. For Derek, it felt nice.

He parked his car on the visitor’s lot in front of the building, and ran upthe small way to the front doors of the clinic. He shook off his arms a bit, to get rid of the water that gathered on his arms, because of the storm. He nodded at the secretary and knocked on the door to Katherine’s office.

“Come in,” he heard her say, and he did.

Katherine looked up from her papers and smiled up at him. “Take a sit. I’ll be with you in a bit.”

Derek sat on his usual couch without saying anything. He felt calm, somehow. His thoughts weren’t racing like they always did before a session. He felt calm. As if the memories that he was going to share with Katherine weren’t going to put him into an anxiety attack. Honestly, he didn’t care.

He didn’t care how his life was going to pan out. He just needed someone to hear him. He needed to share his personal life with someone. Someone who wasn’t there. Someone who would approach it from another angle. He just needed someone to listen to him.

“I haven’t heard from Stiles for weeks after prom night…” Derek whispered and he heard Katherine’s movements stop. Derek looked out of the window. It was getting darker now. “I would seek out Scott, daily, to ask him about Stiles, but he refused to give me any answers.”

* * *

 

“McCall!” Derek yelled out his name from across the corridor of the school. It was already September. Derek’s summer sucked. It revolved around desperately trying to find out where Stiles was and why he wasn’t answering to any of his calls or texts. He was at his wits end by the time they had to come back to school for their papers.

Scott saw him. Derek knew that he saw him because he noticed how his eyes widened, turned around and started to run. “Son of a… McCALL!” Derek ran after him. They were close to the gym’s classroom by the time Derek caught up with him. He grabbed the back of his shirt and slammed him against the wall.

Derek has never been the violent type. But there was a certain level of anger in him that if he crossed, he wouldn’t be able to control himself.

“Dude, dude, dude. Don’t kill me. I swear I’ll answer any question you’ll ask, if I can. Just don’t kill me. Please,” Scott spoke fast, his voice shaking from fear.

Derek gritted his teeth and released him. Taking a step back, he flipped Scott to his back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Talk.”

“Okay. Okay. Look, I know what Stiles is doing to you is horrible, but he doesn’t wanna talk to you.”

“Why not? I haven’t done anything wrong to him. At all. I just...” Derek raked his fingers through his hair. In contained anger, he turned around and punched his fist into the wall. He heard a crack, but he didn’t care about broken bones. He just needed to see Stiles. He needed Stiles. “What the fuck is happening, McCall?”

Scott was silent for a few minutes, but then he sighed and walked towards Derek. “I’m not gonna tell you what’s wrong, but you’re gonna have to come with me. Stiles is gonna kill me for this, but I don’t care. I’ll live. I dragged you into this because of some stupid bucket list that Stiles had for years now. And now, I gotta live through the consequences.”

Derek pinched the bridge of his nose and nodded. “Take me to him.”

* * *

 

When they got to Stiles’ house, Derek was nervous. He sat in his car, hands on the wheel. The ride to his house was a quiet one. Scott didn’t talk, and Derek didn’t feel like filling in the silence.Now that he was here he wasn’t sure that he wanted to go in to see what was actually happening. He knew that if he didn’t go in he won’t get any answers;he’d still be in a place where he didn’t know what was happening. He had to go in. He had to find out. He had to-

“Are you gonna come in with me or what?” asked Scott, bending down a bit to look at him through the window with a raised eyebrow.

Derek turned and looked at Scott. There was the question; should he go in, or should he go home? He sighed and looked back at the house. His breath stuttered to stop as he saw one of the second floors’ curtain moving. He saw a familiar shape standing behind it, and a moment’s later, he was gone.

On autopilot, Derek got out of his car. Scott gave him one of those dimpled smiles, and Derek rolled his eyes at him. “Good choice. Now come on.”

Scott walked him towards the house, and without knocking, he went in. Derek guessed that this showed just how close these two were. They’d been friends pretty much all of their lives, so this closeness shouldn’t be a surprise to him. Yet, it was. Because he never had this kind of friendship with anyone. Sometimes, he envied them. 

“Mr. Stilinski isn’t home,” said Scott as he dropped his bag by the door and took off his shoes. “He’ll be back by evening. Stiles usually sleeps in during the day, but he’s awake because I texted him.”

“You told him I was coming over with you?” asked Derek, dropping his bag down as well.

Scott nodded. “Yeah. I gave him a heads up because he would’ve killed me if you were to stop by and he looked like crap.” Scott walked towards the stairs, and when Derek started to follow him, Scott turned around and stopped him. “Maybe you can wait here for a moment? I just need to talk to him for just one second, yeah?”

Derek nodded. He turned around and sat down on the stairs as Scott went up the stairs and into Stiles’ bedroom. He could hear them talking, but their voice were muffled so he couldn’t make out the words. At some point their conversation’s tune took to an angry level, and Derek contemplated in going up and seeing what was happening, but then they stopped arguing. There was a moment of silence and then Derek stood up as Scott made his way downstairs.

“Can I go up now?” asked Derek.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be in the kitchen, if you’ll need me for…yeah. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

Without waiting for a reply, Scott walked away. Derek licked his lips and looked up the stairs. Stiles’ bedroom was the first one facing the stairs. Running his fingers over his eyes, Derek walked up the stairs. By each step, he felt a tug at his heart. He felt like he was going to learn something today that would change his life.

And he was right.

He stood before the door, which was left ajar, and he stared at the person lying down on the bed. He blinked couple of times before he pushed the door open more and stepped inside.

Stiles was lying on a big bed, surrounded by pillows and covered with a thick blanket. He looked small, somehow, and paler than usual. He looked more tired than Derek has ever seen him. His breathing was shallow and his eyes were closed.

Derek cleared his throat and Stiles opened his eyes, and slowly turned his head to look at Derek. He gave Derek a tiny smile. “Hey.” His voice sounded weak and scratchy.

Derek didn’t walk closer to Stiles. He was frozen on the spot, unable to move. Derek had no idea what his face was doing, but Stiles looked at him and then his smile slowly disappeared. Stiles swallowed and tried to sit up, but he looked weak, and the act itself looked exhausting. Derek’s hands felt itchy, as if he wanted to move forward and help him, but at the same time, he couldn’t move. He just stood there, and watched as Stiles struggled to seat up.

When he finally sat up against the headboard of his bed, his breathing had gone heavy. “It’s getting harder and harder for me to actually do normal tasks these days. The other day it took me about thirty to forty minutes to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Luckily for me, my bladder wasn’t full, or I would’ve…it wouldn’t look pretty, let’s just say.” Stiles gave an awkward laugh at that. He licked his lips and stared at Derek. Derek still didn’t say a word. “Will you say something? I know that I can talk for forever, but trust me, I don’t have any sort of energy left inside me to actually talk this long.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“’What isn’t wrong with me’ you should ask,” said Stiles quickly.

“Stiles,” there was probably something in his voice that made Stiles turn serious.

“Come here,” Stiles whispered, raising his hand. It was probably the way that Stiles looked at Derek, that made Derek to walk the short steps towards Stiles’ bed in a second. He took Stiles’ hand in his and he felt like the last few weeks never happened. Stiles closed his eyes and squeezed Derek’s hand. “I missed you.”

Derek took a stuttering breath. “I missed you, too.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t contact you. I’m sorry I didn’t write to you. And I’m really sorry that I didn’t tell you from the start what was happening with me.”

“Are you sick?” asked Derek, his voice wavering. His mouth suddenly felt dry and his insides were going numb.

Stiles stared at their joined hands, while Derek stared at Stiles’ face. He licked his lips and took a deep breath. “Derek, I have cancer.”

Derek stared at him; silent. He didn’t know what to say or do. He felt numb. Completely void of all emotions. He wasn’t sure if he was breathing, or not, but he was sure that there was something wrong with his breathing. He could see that Stiles was talking to him, but he couldn’t make out the words. The only thing that was running through his head was  _‘I have cancer’_ and Derek’s panicked _‘no, no, no,’_.

Derek closed his eyes and dropped his head on the mattress. He tried to breathe normally, tried to steady his heartbeat, but it felt like there was something that was strapping him down, making it difficult to do anything.

Stiles had cancer.

And then he felt Stiles’ hand over his head, and the world stopped spinning. He could breathe again, his heartbeat was getting steadier by the second.

Stiles had cancer.

Stiles’ hand moved to the back of neck, and he squeezed him there. “You okay?” asked Stiles, his voice tiny and small. As if he was afraid to speak any louder.

“Why didn’t you tell me from the start?” whispered Derek.

“Because I was afraid,” replied Stiles. “Afraid of your reaction. Afraid that I would lose you before I could even have you.”

Derek lifted his head up from the mattress and stared at Stiles. “You thought that I’d leave you if I found out that you had cancer from the start?” Stiles nodded slowly. “Are you shitting me right now?”

“I didn’t think that…I didn’t think that it was an important information to share with you,” said Stiles quickly. He was starting to look tired again and Derek really didn’t want to stress Stiles up more.

The decision was made even before Derek had time to sit and think about. He was still going to be by Stiles’ side, no matter what. He was still going to be there for him. He was still going to come and visit Stiles, for how long it would take. He wasn’t going to leave Stiles.

“I’m not going to leave you, do you hear me? I don’t care that you have cancer, and that you’re weak all the time, and that would mean that we won’t be able to go out as much as we want. I don’t care. I just want to be able to spend my time with you as much as I can. I don’t care, okay?”

Stiles squeezed his eyes shut and tugged at Derek’s arm. Derek went willingly and Stiles collapsed over his chest and wrapped his skinny arms around Derek’s body. Derek wrapped his around Stiles and his heart broke to pieces. Stiles has gotten skinnier. Whatever he had was eating away his young body into an early grave. He wasn’t going to question Stiles about it today, since he fell asleep right there, on his chest.

Derek turned around so his back was pressed against the headboard of the bed, and Stiles curled up closer to Derek. Derek wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer. Stiles let out a contented sigh, and moments later, he started snoring.

That’s when Derek let his thoughts run wild.

And that is the first time, in many years, that Derek felt completely helpless.

* * *

 

Derek spent most of his free time with Stiles at his house, since that's where Stiles wanted to be. There wasn’t much to do since Stiles would sleep most of the day away. Derek never thought he’d read so many books in his life, but here he was reading every book he could get his hands on. And when he’d get tired fromreading, he’d just sit by the bed and stare at Stiles’ sleeping face. He slept on his stomach, with his arms under his pillow. His lips would fall open, just like they do when he’s awake and unaware of what his face is doing, and tiny puffs of breath would be leaving his mouth.

Derek took out his phone and snapped a picture of him this way. He looked too adorable.

And then the numbing feeling of doom would settle in his heart.

Derek sighed and rested his head in his hands. He didn’t know what was going to happen today, or tomorrow for that matter. Stiles was getting weaker and weaker by each passing day. As much as Dr. Deaton was giving him some medicine which would help him survive each day, they weren’t curing him. The feeling of helplessness crushed him every day. It was getting harder and harder for him to not freak out over minor things.

Such as Stiles sleeping a bit longer than he usually would. The first time it happened, Derek went into a mild state of panic that he tried to control, and failed, as he called the sheriff and asked him what he should do. The sheriff told him, in a calm voice, that it was a normal reaction, since Stiles’ medicine was strong and it would make him sleepy all the time. The doctors weren’t specific about how long Stiles was actually going to sleep because of them. 

It had calmed him down, considerably.

He cried, of course, when the nurse came in to help Stiles out with his diaper changing. Derek had stood outside his bedroom door and waited for them to finish. It was few weeks ago and Stiles wasn’t able to move out of bed fast enough to go to the bathroom in the morning. He dropped down on the floor and started to sob into his arms. Derek wasn’t able to erase the sounds of his crying from his head.

Stiles shifted in his sleep, snapping Derek out of his thoughts. Derek liked to think of that as his personalized place of hell.

It was fascinating to look at how Stiles woke up. At first he smacked his lips, wetting them with his tongue in the process. He then turned his head into his pillow, to nuzzle his face into it, while letting out a low groan from the back of his throat. He then stretched out, moaning in pleasure and then turned on his side, relaxing back into the comfort of his bed. He blinked his eyes open for a second, stared at Derek, and closed them again.

“You’re here,” his voice was sleepy and low. Derek thought that this was probably the cutest sound he has ever heard in his life.

“Yeah. I’ve been here since last night,” admitted Derek, scratching at his stubble.

Stiles opened his eye and stared at Derek again. “Where did you sleep?” he asked, rubbing a hand over his eyes.

“The couch is pretty comfortable,” said Derek, smiling at him.

“You’re an idiot,” sighed Stiles.

“Yeah, I might as well be,” replied Derek. He knelt down beside the bed and licked his lips. “Stiles, can I-“

“Knock, knock!” the nurse opened the door with a kind smile on her face. Derek sighed and pulled back. He stood up from his position and when he was about to leave, Stiles grabbed his arm and squeezed it.

“I’ll be just outside the bedroom, okay?”

Stiles nodded and gave him a weak smile. “Come back in when we’re done, yeah?”

“Of course,” Derek squeezed his arm back.

“How are you feeling today, Stiles?” Derek heard the nurse ask as he left the bedroom, and shut the door after him. He stood outside the door for a moment and then went to the bathroom down the hall, to relieve himself.

When he was done he washed his hands and then stared into the mirror. He looked tired. The past few weeks less hours of sleep were taking their toll on him. He sighed and splashed some water on his face. He hanged his head down and rested his hands over the sink.

“I can do this,” he whispered to himself. “I can do this. It’s just another day. Just like yesterday,” he stood up straighter and squared his shoulders. He stared at himself in the mirror one more time. “Just another day.”

He walked back to the bedroom just in time to see the nurse cleaning up Sties’ lips with a napkin. She’d come in every morning, clean up Stiles, feed him the small amount of breakfast he had to eat, and leave. It would take her around fifteen minutes to do the whole thing. She stood up and smiled at Derek. “He’s all clean now. Looking nice and handsome for his boyfriend.”

Stiles’ pale cheeks bloomed with rosy blush, and Derek couldn’t help but smile at him. Stiles was sitting up with his back pressed against multiple pillows. “I’ll come back in three hours, then,” she said as she grabbed her bag. “You boys behave.” She said before closing the door after her.

“Sorry about her,” said Stiles, still blushing like crazy.

“You do look nice,” commented Derek as he sat down on the bed, close to Stiles.

“I look like hell,” snorted Stiles, scratching at his cheek.

Derek lifted his hand and caressed his cheek. Instantly, Stiles leaned into his touch. Derek lifted his other hand and cupped his other cheek. He shuffled closer to Stiles’ body, who closed his eyes in turn and parted his lips, a breath leaving his mouth.

Derek placed his lips over Stiles’ in a small kiss. Stiles’ reaction was instant; he lifted his arms and wrapped them around Derek’s neck, squeezing him closer, as much as he could with how weak his arms really were. Derek went willingly. Derek moved his arms from Stiles’ cheeks to his waist, ignoring Stiles’ bony chest. He wrapped his arms around Stiles’ waist and pulled him flush against his chest. Stiles gasped at that, his lips parting and Derek took the opportunity to slip his tongue inside Stiles’ hot mouth. The kiss took to a more heated direction.

Stiles let out a moan from the back of his throat that made Derek feel crazy. Stiles moved his lips in sync with Derek’s, sucking on his lips as he did so. Derek tightened his hold on Stiles’ waist when Stiles started to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. It made Derek feel all warm inside when he did so.

Stiles pulled back first, with a gasping breath, his hand squeezing Derek’s neck. He rested his forehead against Derek’s and struggled to get his breathing back to normal. Derek wasn’t far off.

“I wish… I wish I wasn’t feeling this weak,” mumbled Stiles. “I wish I would’ve been able to-“

“It’s okay. You are perfect,” said Derek quickly, before Stiles could say anything more. He kissed the corner of Stiles’ mouth and pulled back. “I missed this.”

“I miss you,” whispered Stiles, eyes already drooping. “I need to tell Deaton to cut down on the meds a bit. I can’t keep falling asleep like this.” The last part was a mumble as he fell asleep just like that, sitting while Derek held him up on his chest.

Derek laid Stiles back down on the bed, making sure the blanket covered his body. Once he was done, Derek stood up and walked out of the bedroom. He was probably going to sleep for an hour and a half.

He went down the stair and into the kitchen. Derek walked straight to the refrigerator and opened the door to it to see what was there to eat. As he looked through the fridge he realized that he didn’t have any appetite.

“Morning, Derek.” Derek quickly closed the door and turned around. Mr. Stilinski was sitting by the table, with his morning coffee and newspaper in front of him. He had his reading glasses on as he regarded Derek from afar.

“Sorry, sir. I didn’t know you were awake,” said Derek shuffling his feet, awkwardly.

“It’s okay, son. And you need to stop with the ‘sir’s and start calling me John.”

“Uh… I can try, but it won’t be easy.”

“Yeah, you need to try harder then. You’re my son’s boyfriend. You already spend your whole time here. Formalities are unnecessary by this point, don’t you think? So you might as well start calling me by my name.” Derek didn’t know what to say to that, so he just nodded. “I made some pancakes. They’re on the counter. Use the microwave to heat them up a bit,” John said as he went back to his reading. He flipped the page over and added, “And come sit with me.”

Derek did as he was told and he sat down opposite John on the table. As much as he didn’t have an appetite for eating, he ate some of the pancakes anyways. He didn’t want for his mother to find out that he wasn’t eating, or she’d prevent him from coming over here whenever he’d like. He practically stayed here as it was.

He had a feeling that Stiles’ dad wanted to talk to him about something, but he didn’t make a sound or any move to start it. So Derek ate, as much as he could. When he was finished, he prepared to get up from the table, but then John took off his reading glasses and regarded Derek for a moment. And the way he was staring at him, made Derek feel like it wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation.

“I won’t beat around the bush, so I’ll just get straight to the point,” said John. “I need you to know that my son isn’t getting better, Derek. When he refused to get normal treatment for his cancer, I knew he wasn’t going to be persuaded into any sort of treatments. The medicine that he’s getting these days are nothing compared to what he could’ve had.”

“Why did he refuse?” asked Derek. This conversation was a long time coming.

“Because when we found out about his illness, it was already too late. Dr. Deaton said that they could try and take him down for chemo, but he refused.”

“Why did you agree with him?”

“Because you know how Stiles can get when someone tries to tell him otherwise,” said John, with a sad smile on his face. “I wasn’t going to go against my son’s will. He didn’t want to do it, so I didn’t force him.”

“Are you serious? I’m sorry, John, I’m not trying to be disrespectful, but that is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”

“Derek-“

“No. You can’t… Why did you agree with Stiles? Why? He is your  _son._  You could’ve prevented this from happening. But you agreed with him.”

“I didn’t agree with him, I never did. Every day I have to live with this guilt deep inside of me that I had to do something. That I had to take care of my son. That I had to work miracles to save my son’s life.”

“We can take him to the hospital. They can save him.”

“They can’t. It’s too late already.”

“It’s never too late.”

“He’s dying, son.”

Derek’s heart stuttered to a stop. For some reason it was getting harder for him to breathe easily, again. He ran a hand over his face. “I can’t lose him.”

“I can’t lose him, either. But… You need to understand that these can be your last days that you’re going to spend with him.”

“We can… We can still help him.”

“Derek…”

“How can you be so relaxed about this? He’s your son. How can you be so calm?”

“Because I already went through this before.”

That shut Derek up. He stared ahead at John, feeling the sadness and tiredness emitting from every core of his body. Derek shook his head in denial. “I can’t-I refuse to… I can’t lose him. I just got him, and I can’t lose him. I refuse to-“ Derek stood up so suddenly that his chair fell down on the ground. He gritted his teeth in anger. Without a word, he turned away from the table and walked out of the kitchen, leaving the fallen chair and his dirty dishes at his wake.

Later, he’d feel guilty about it, but now, all he wanted to do was go up the stairs and into Stiles’ bedroom, and try to forget the heavy feeling in his gut that John was right.

* * *

 

“Why does he have this on his bucket list?” asked Derek as he read down at the already shortened list of things he wanted to do. When he read his name in the list, with a heart drawn by his name, he felt a small prickle of satisfaction at the pit of his heart. “He actually did want to go to the prom with me.”

“Yeah, I told you he did,” said Scott, with a goofy grin on his face. He was the one that burrowed (read:  _stole_ ) the list to show it to Derek. Scott wanted for Stiles to do as many of the things as he could. Only, it seemed like Stiles was almost done with it. There was only probably two or three of them left.

Derek rolled his eyes at Scott. “Why here, though?”

Scott shrugged and said, “He always said that it could be peaceful there.”

Derek read the name again and nodded. “Peaceful, hmm…”

“I’m having a feeling as if you’re gonna do something about it,” said Scott, eyes narrowing.

“Because I am,” replied Derek, taking out his phone from his pocket. “Luckily for us, my uncle lives there and he has a house there. I don’t think he’s in San Francisco now, but I’m sure he’ll allow me to stay in his house.”

“What about your mom and his dad? Do you think they’ll allow you two to go there all by yourselves?” asked Scott, frowning.

“I’m sure  _we_  can persuade them into agreeing.”

“Of course,” said Scott quickly, with one of those goofy smiles stretching over his face.

Derek dialed his uncle’s number and waited for him to answer. He picked up on the fourth ring. “Hello, Uncle Peter. How  _are_  you?”

* * *

It took about two weeks for Derek to convince their parents to agree on this trip. Scott was there to fight the case with him. With the two of them they managed to convince his mother that it was safe to get on the road if it was still light outside. It would take them about nine hours, with Derek’s monster Jeep to get there. John was a bit harder to convince. For obvious reasons. “It’s on his bucket list, John. I need to make his dream come true. If I won’t I’ll forever feel guilty for not risking the chance.”

After much more conviction from Scott and Derek, John agreed. They then had to talk to Dr. Deaton about how this was going to be. Deaton gave Derek a long list of things to do if something were to happen to him. When he was about to leave the hospital, Deaton grabbed his arm and stopped him from leaving. With a serious look on his face, Deaton said. “You need to know that this might be your last week with Stiles. I already talked to John and he knows. I don’t know if he told you this, but I had to make sure. You might not be able to spend long hours with him there. Cherish every second you can as if it might be your last.”

Derek nodded and wrenched his arm free of his hold.

It took him a day to talk to Stiles about it. He didn’t tell him where he was taking him, he just said that it was a surprise roadtrip. Stiles was ecstatic about it. It tugged at Derek’s heart seeing him smile like that for the first time since forever.

The day they left Scott hugged Stiles for a long, long time. Derek had a second of hesitation about how he was taking Stiles away from his family when he was like this. When he was going to die soon. But then he looked at John’s face, and he just knew.

He was doing the right thing.

* * *

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep?” asked Derek for what seemed like umpteenth time in the last hour or so. They’d been on the road for two hours now.

“Dude, we are on a road trip. I have never been this far away from my house. It’s exciting. I don’t think I can ever fall asleep.”

Derek chuckled through the sudden thickness in his throat. Stiles looked like a kid when he was this excited. Derek couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Stiles this happy and full of life.

“If you need to, let me know so I can pull up. I made a bed for you in the backseat.”

“So I’ve seen,” said Stiles, reaching out and squeezing Derek’s arm. It was weak and Derek just smiled at him.

After that, they were mostly silent. Stiles would point out something on the road, or he’d talk about some TV show he’d been watching for the last few days. What broke Derek the most was the passion that Stiles had towards his TV shows. How much he loved them and how excited he sounded for the next seasons that would come back on air in fall. All Derek had to do now, was smile and nod along with whatever Stiles was saying.

Half-way on the road, Stiles fell asleep. Derek contemplated on stopping the car and moving Stiles to the backseat, but he was sure Stiles would fight him over it. So he reached back to get the blanket, to at least throw it over Stiles. The weather wasn’t cold, but Stiles would get cold fast these days. Better safe than sorry, he guessed.

In less than three hours, Derek parked in front of his Uncle’s house. Silently, he got their bags into the house first and then went to get Stiles, who was still sleeping. He opened Stiles’ door and kissed his forehead.

“Stiles? Wake up. We’re here.”

Stiles blinked his eyes open and stared at Derek. “Where are we?”

“Someplace you wanted to visit. Come on. Let’s get you inside.”

“Okay,” Stiles shook his head before getting out of the car with Derek’s help. “Wow, nice house.” He commented as he stared at the big house.

“Yeah, it’s my Uncle’s. He allowed me to borrow it for a few days. Since he’s in New York now, on business.”

They walked inside the house and Derek watched as Stiles’ eyes zeroed in on the far glass wall. He slowly made his way to that wall. His mouth fell open as he stared outside. Derek walked behind him and wrapped his arms around Stiles’ waist. He pulled Stiles close to his chest and rested his chin over Stiles’ shoulder.

The infinite beauty of the Pacific Ocean lay before their eyes. It looked peaceful, just like Stiles always thought it would’ve been.

“How did you…Are we in San Francisco? You brought me here so I can see the Pacific?”

“I asked Scott to give me your bucket list,” said Derek quickly. He hoped that Stiles wouldn’t get mad at him for this. “And when I saw that one of your wish was to come here and see it, I knew that I had to do it for you.”

Stiles turned around to look at him. Derek dropped his arms by his side and waited for Stiles to yell, or do something. Instead, Stiles took a step closer, their body’s flush together. He felt Stiles’ hand on his stomach, fingers gripping his t-shirt. “You got us here, today, because you wanted me to see the Ocean?”

Derek nodded. “Yeah. I mean, it as in your bucket list, and I could do it, so I thought m-“ He was cut short by Stiles’ demanding lips over his. Derek quickly wrapped his arms around Stiles’ to hold him up against him. Derek could feel Stiles’ rapid heartbeat against his own, because of how close the two of them hugged each other.

Derek pulled Stiles closer and closer to him, as much as he could. Stiles’ fingers scratched the back of his neck. Derek lightly bit down on his lower lip, his hands running up and down Stiles’ back. They pulled back from each other, their breathing heavy. They rested their foreheads against each other. They couldn’t stop their hands from touching each other’s bodies.

“You’re an idiot, you know that, right?” said Stiles breathlessly.

“I know. I’m an idiot for you,” said Derek, with a smile, his heart calming down slowly.

“Thank you,” whispered Stiles.

Derek hugged Stiles close to him, without saying anything.

* * *

 

They shared the bed at nights. They shared the couch. They shared their bowl of cereal.

Stiles was getting weaker. The medicines would put him to sleep for hours. It would drive Derek up the wall. Everyday he’d call Deaton to ask for directions, of what to do, if they should come back home. Deaton would tell him that it was okay, that he didn’t have to worry about it. Derek would then call John and tell him about their days. John would listen and not say a word. Only at the end of the call, he’d add “Take care of my son, Derek. Enjoy the days while you can.”

He would then call his mom, crying. His mom would cry with him. That’s what moms do, they cry when their kid is in pain.

Derek was in pain. His heart, his every being, was in pain. Stiles was dying. And he didn’t know what to do. He felt helpless.

At every waking moment, Stiles would be his older self. He’d be happy, bubbly, tease Derek to no end. They’d go out for a walk by the shore. Stiles would enjoy the sun on his face, his eyes sparkling with happiness as he’d look at Stiles.

They wrote their names on the sand  _Stiles + Derek = <3. _Derek took a picture of it on his phone and then snapped another picture of Stiles. Who blushed prettily when he saw what Derek did. He then leaned up and kissed Derek’s lips chastely. His lips were chapped, but sweet just as Derek loved.

At these moments, Derek would forget that Stiles was enjoying his last days. That they were enjoying their last days together.

Their evenings were filled cuddling close to each other, on the couch, watching movies. Derek would watch anything Stiles wanted. Derek learned that he was more of a Superman fan than of Batman. Which made Stiles angry because he was Batman’s fan. They got into a heated discussion over it; starting from their characterization to how ridiculous they would look if their costumes were different from what they had now.

They kissed after that, and Stiles said that he still thought Batman was better than Superman. Derek only rolled his eyes.

Their nights were filled with Stiles spending an hour in the bathroom. Derek wouldn’t comment on how Stiles’ pajama pants would look a bit tighter on him when he’d come to bed. He’d role to his side, his back to Derek’s, and Derek would hug him close, leaving a kiss on the exposed skin under his lips.

Derek cherished every second of it.

The fights. The laughter. The agony of seeing Stiles in pain. The sun on Stiles’ face. His happy smile. His sleeping face. His breathless face after every kiss they’d share.

Derek memorized all of them. 

They were sitting outside, by the shore. Stiles’ back to Derek’s chest. A blanket was thrown over Stiles’ legs, and he was wearing a thick sweater. It wasn’t that cold, but he was shivering today worse than ever. Derek worried.

It was past their dinner time, but Stiles didn’t want to move. Whenever Derek suggested for them to go back home, inside, Stiles declined. “Just a bit longer, Derek,” he said. “It’s beautiful out here.”

Derek stared at his profile, with a small smile on his face. “Of course,” he replied with a kiss on his temple. “As long as you need to.”

Stiles sighed, turned his head, kissed Derek’s chin and turned back to watching the setting sun. Derek squeezed him close.

“It’s so beautiful out here,” Stiles whispered. His voice was shaking. His breathing was slowing down. He looked tired.

Instantly, Derek knew. This was it. Derek looked at Stiles’ young face.

“Look at how beautiful the sunset is. Have you seen anything so beautiful?”

Without moving his eyes from Stiles’ profile, Derek said. “I have.”

“It’s so peaceful out here,” Stiles sighed. “So peaceful… Derek, I’m sorry for this, but I’m tired.”

“I know, baby,” whispered Derek, voice choking. “I know, sweetheart.”

Stiles’ lips lifted up into a tiny, weak smile. “You’ve always been understanding.”

“I have to. You’re a pain in my ass, remember?”

Stiles chuckled. “I do.” Stiles moved his hand up and grabbed Derek’s. Derek squeezed his hand. It was cold.

“I don’t want to lose you,” choked Derek, closing his eyes momentarily over the tears that gathered in his eyes.

“Please don’t cry,” Stiles murmured. “Please don’t worry,” he whispered. His eyes shutting down slowly. “We’ll meet again… Just close your eyes, think of me, and I’ll be by your side. Derek, I…”

Derek held Stiles close to his chest for a long, long time. Unmoving. Silent tears running down his face.

The sun made its way down at the end of the horizon…

* * *

 

Katherine sat before Derek. The clock was ticking. They’d been here way past Derek’s usual session’s hour. It felt wrong of her to tell Derek to stop. Considering how he looked right now, maybe it was her wisest decision.

She waited for him to continue. When he did, she felt like her heart was going to break into pieces.

“Stiles fell asleep on my arms that day. I don’t like thinking of it in any other way,” said Derek staring at his hands. “It took me hours to call his dad. And when I did, he told me that he knew.”

“How?” Katherine asked clearing her throat. She tried to hold back the tremor in her voice.

“He was there. At the house. He…uh… he saw the whole thing while we were out. He was inside…”

“What about Scott and your family?”

“They waited for us back in Beacon Hills.”

And then they were silent.

Derek felt numb. He felt like his arms were made of stone and he wouldn’t be able to move them even if he tried hard enough. He also felt relieved. It felt nice talking about this, sharing his story with other people.

Then Derek let out a low chuckle, which sounded more like a sob, then a laughter. “I, uh, I never told him how I felt. I never told him that I…that I loved him. How can you be with someone and not tell them how you felt? I always ask myself, if he knew? If he realized that I loved him? That…that it didn’t matter that it was Scott who shoved me his way to ask him to prom, but it was also my heart wanting to be with him? I wonder if he knows. I wonder if he…if he understood that I loved him.”

“He did, Derek,” replied Katherine, leaning forward a bit. “He knows that you loved him. How could he not know? You did so many things for him. Those things showed that you loved him.”

“Did it really?” Derek whispered, still staring at his hands. His sight was blurring with tears. “He was in my arms, and I couldn’t even tell him three simple words. He never knew how much I loved him.”

Katherine sat silently and stared at Derek. For the first time since she knew him, Derek was crying. It was the most heartbreaking thing she had to witness her whole life… She wished she could try and soften Derek’s pain, but she couldn’t.

She couldn’t.

* * *

 

When Derek got home that night, yes it was already night, he didn’t linger too much. He closed the front door, with the bolt, and started to undress. He made his way to his bedroom and undressed quickly. He then went into the shower and took a quick one. When he got back to his bedroom he wore his pj’s to bed. He then went back to his bathroom and stared at him in the mirror.

He looked old and worn. The bags under his eyes showed clear signs of fatigue and tiredness that came from the lack of sleep. And life in general. He wasn’t young anymore. He was an adult now.

But he was lonely. And so, so tired. 

On the shelf, on the far corner of it, sat the yellow bottle that he brought for himself six months ago. Taking the bottle to his bedside table, he went to grab himself a glass of water. Once he was done with all of this, he got into his bed and laid down on his back. He closed his eyes and waited. It wasn’t long before he felt  _his_ presence.

Without opening his eyes, or panicking, he blindly reached out and grabbed the glass of water and the bottle of pills. Without hesitation, he drank the whole thing. Without feeling scared he relaxed further into his bed.

After a moment, he opened his eyes and looked to his left side.

Stiles was lying down next to him, on his side, with his hands under his cheek. He hadn’t changed at all. He still had the same lips, the same eyes, and the moles were all in the right places. Derek didn’t know if he should cry or laugh, or do both. He was wearing his favorite clothes; a gray t-shirt with the Flash on it, red plaid shirt over it, red sneakers and his favorite jeans. He looked boyish and it warmed Derek’s heart.

“I’m sorry, it took me so long to get here,” Derek said, and Stiles gave him a smile. “I knew you were waiting for me, but I needed for someone to hear me first.”

Stiles nodded, but didn’t say anything. Derek knew that Stiles wasn’t going to say anything, since he was here for Derek.

“I’m so tired,” Derek whispered, his eyes drooping. Stiles reached out and caressed his cheek. For a memory, he had a lovely touch. Just like Derek remembered. He struggled to keep his eyes open, just to look at Stiles, but he couldn’t. The pills were working.

Best part was, that he was going to be with his beloved soon. Stiles leaned in after a moment’s of hesitation, but…

**Author's Note:**

> So.... that happened. Sorry?  
> But yeah, if you read the tags and A/N at the start of the fic you won't be coming after my head, right? right.  
> Thank you for reading. I appreciate the effort each of your put into reading my story. I can't thank you enough...  
> Now please send me something nice to read.


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